A journey to profound thoughts

I'm so depressed and this is the only thing that I have wrote since a very long time... The worst thing is that I am failing English (why am I writing if I am so bad in English Higher Level?), and I don´t know if I have the motivation to go on...Still, this is what has been going through my mind these days......just; personal thoughts.

I wish I could love him like I did before,

I wish I could hold his hands just once in a while,

Smile to him and tell him that it’s alright,

But I always approach to him with such clumsiness,

That I end up running away from him,


In the car I watch him in silence,

I watch his lonely hands clutching his knees,

And I want to reach out and grasp it,

I want to tell him that I am so sorry,

For burning down our bridge,

And destroying his ship’s dock,

From my island, I can see him drifting away with his ship,

Further and further away from me,


I want to fly to his ship and find an eternal happiness with him;

An absolute paradox that will never be,

And then I imagine that I get to spend my days holding his hands

His lonely fisted hands,

Calling him my best friend, my love, my brother, my ally, my father...


But I can’t love him,

Our bonds have torn apart,

Now there are only scars between us,

And every time we get close the scars gradually reopen,

How am I supposed to love him now?


But again,

I wish I could love him just and only like before,

I wish I could hug him every time I get to see him,

But he soars away from me,

Like my first helium balloon at my youngest epoch,

And the worst part is,

That I can’t let him go,

Or else he’ll die in the hands of a demon,


(And yes, I dare call her a demon,

She has not only destroyed a loving couple,

But also has drove me away from innocence,

I have gradually become a selfish person,

A person without a heart and soul,

A hateful person that tries but cannot love him anymore),


And so,

I try...

I try to strengthen our bonds,

To rebuild that beautiful bridge,

That used to be our meeting place,

To construct a diamond-strong dock for his drifting ship,

His so-desired isolated ship,


Later, I will design a lighthouse with my artsy hands,

That will guide him to me every time he gets lost in the thick fog,

It will build up hope, and maybe, I will start loving him,

I will begin to hold his hands and look at his eyes directly,

And tell him that I missed him,

That I missed calling him my best friend, my love, my brother, my ally, my father...

The End

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