how to get over the crush

You're wondering, of course, how to get over a crush and this is something I care very deeply about.  So, please, papers and pens in hand, hold your questions until the very end.  Thank you.

Crushes, as we know are simply chemical reactions within the machination of our brain.  There is no "magic" to love although it can feel quite magical.  Personally, I've never had a crush and I choose not tobeing able to distinguish the fine line between chemistry and fantasy.

Listen closely.  None can make the promise of true love.  Can anyone even know, where they themselves can be in five years, let alone who the other person will be?  Relationships involve work, I say, and there's nothing magical or even spontaneous about work.  Is changing the cat litter sparkly?  I dare say not.

Honestly, ma'am, did you just ask me "What if you changed it together?".  Your wide eyes will leave your broken heart gaping in tattered shards with that type of Disney ballad.

Realize once and for all that once your crush ends, the monotonous awkward hangover that ensues will make you wonder why you bothered in the first place.  Wait until she leaves you for a plumber.  Again, I'm being strictly objective and re-iterate that crushes are things I only like to avoid.

Your first task in getting over a crush is to stay out of it in the first place!  Join a convent.  Be a castrato.  Live in Tibet.

Love is for the weak at heart.  Questions?

The End

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