A Bed For One

 

 

NAtalie harris, 14, IA

I execute myself to the prison of pamper. Take a bath and wash myself. I refuse to sing because the only shower songs are those who call a partner. I will make my own cup of ramen and cuddle myself on the couch made for two. But use so many throw pillows I push myself to believe it was for one. When I retreat to my bed. The twin looks far more vast than my heart will ever be. Why can't they love me. My gold eyes must remind them to much of the wild inside I promise i’m timid during day. Let me come alive for you at night. Looking at the stars only reminds me that i’m getting close till I rip my eyes away and realize that nobody loves me the way i want them to. I want you to paint me with your eyes the way I paint dying trees, tell me my body is art itself so I can wake up from this nightmare. Show me people out there can love me, show me someone on this swirl of land strives for someone like me. tell me I have a solemate. show me a kiss. Show me someone who can create symphonies with our heart beats. Teach me that I don’t need a pacemaker. I want to stop the crying but the strings attached to my lips yank me down to often. They pull and pull and I look for the day I can finally pull a trigger because what is this life living alone. Make me believe youre out there at least. I’m sick of relying on all of it to take my mind off it saying the word makes me smell the scent and crave the high. I live and breath for the feeling of another world. I want to be distance. I want to swim around the room and forget you inhabit it so maybe i’ll get high enough to pray God to bring me to the end, just a little closer, put me in the ground, tell me there was someone out there that was willing to pull the gun away from me, tell me there was someone who could whisper happy to my head. Clothe me in my favorite flannel, send me away like i’m just going to take another nap. Feed them ramen and fruit barrels, turn on spongebob next to my pictures, madi and luke love that show, dress my room with lights and beads. Play my music through the house and dance, please don’t tell me my music sucks because its the only thing that keeps me at bay. I’m fighting my own battle. my bed commands me to stay back but my legs scream and kick to move, my nails dig at myself trying to crawl out and all beneath a floor board my family gathers around a table, screaming my  name but skin has already grown over my ears, and I don’t blame them. Its too painful to dig your own daughter out of her skin, i’m something else in here. And i’m trapped in this body. I might just be a little wind of some dust but when they put me away in the dirt drawer for my nap I will be gone. And as far as i’m concerned they don’t create caskets for two. So when I lay in my single bed. And wait to die, I will lay alone in my drawer and silently snooze away..    alone

The End

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