Mrs. Claus' "Letter"

Dear Husband, You know I am away but you don't know, you're probably wondering, so I have summed everything up for you below.

Dear Husband, It is time that I must have my say
I've taken your crap day after day
I've kept the home peacful year after year
Now there's going to be some changes so listen my dear

So you're famous everyone know's your name
And you're a specialist by gum, in the transport game
You think your so grand with the lovely job
But to tell the truth, you are a knob.

363 days a year
You sit on your arse drinking beer
You claim it's to keep a shine on your nose
So Santa can see where he bloodywell goes

One night a year is all that ou work
You and your eight mates, they're all jerks
Dasher and Dancer, speed freaks I say
The sleigh won't go quick any other way
Prancer and vixen - just cheap little tarts
But they look like angels once comet starts

Cupid's on some damn power trip
And Donner should just get a damn grip
And Blitzen I almost dare say
Is here getting Blitzed with you every day

All of these year at the front of the shed
Has gone I'm afraid, to your crusty old head.
You're a layabout and a drunken, witha damn shiny nose
And a weakness for elves in a black pantyhose

I'm telling you husband that one christmas song
Has made you think that you can do no wrong
So on 26th December when you return with your sled
I have eloped with your friend...Mr. Ed

The End

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