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Critiques needed: Short fiction

Critiques needed: Short fiction
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posted Feb 11 by yoda
I'd really love some help making this piece the best that it can be, for submission to a literary magazine. Any comments are welcome.

I would also love to know if the whole story makes sense to anyone but me.

I can't figure out how to do a hyperlink, so if you could just go through my profile. Thanks a million.

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