Hi, I wrote this Short Sudden Fictional Story, and I would like some Feedback/criticism with it. It isn't a simple structured storyline, and isn't some simple fantasy story. I need serious criticism with how its looking, especially with my untraditional point of view changes.
I posted a critique of your work. It's very critical. I tend to do that when I see something that I like, because I want to help make it the best it can be. If I didn't like it, I wouldn't have written so much --that's just me. Anyway, I hope my advice helps.
http://www.protagonize.com/story/the-sleeping-game
Thanks!