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Untraditional Fictional Story, Serious Criticism needed.

Untraditional Fictional Story, Serious Criticism needed.
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posted Jan 29 by QuentinDeabler
Hi, I wrote this Short Sudden Fictional Story, and I would like some Feedback/criticism with it. It isn't a simple structured storyline, and isn't some simple fantasy story. I need serious criticism with how its looking, especially with my untraditional point of view changes.

http://www.protagonize.com/story/the-sleeping-game

Thanks!
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posted Jan 30 by Will2power
I posted a critique of your work. It's very critical. I tend to do that when I see something that I like, because I want to help make it the best it can be. If I didn't like it, I wouldn't have written so much --that's just me. Anyway, I hope my advice helps.
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posted Feb 4 by terakristen
That's not too bad! I left you some comments - let us know when you have written a second draft.

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