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Critiques for a solo of mine

Critiques for a solo of mine
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posted Jan 18 by starwarsfreak117
I thought up a solo and work on it when I have nowhere's else to post... Since it is just mine id love some rigorous critique to improve my writing style and everything... i'd love to help critique your story in return just tell me which one!

http://www.protagonize.com/story/walking-in-someone-elses-shoes

Thanks in advance!
last edited Jan 19
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posted Jan 18 by R.WSchmidt
link please
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posted Jan 18 by starwarsfreak117
oh wow lol... my bad :D
here it is: http://www.protagonize.com/story/walking-in-someone-elses-shoes

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