I've been working on one of my more serious pieces and I would like some critique on it (obviously - that's why I'm here!). Somehow I feel the abuse scenes with Sarah aren't real enough and the story I'm trying to convey isn't coming out the way I want it to. Some advice on those particular scenes would be nice, and also on the personalities of Sarah and Bryon - in my head I can see they are two different people but when I look over my work and reread what I've wrote they sound almost the same.

Thank you so much for clicking on this topic. Please read 'Blindfolded', a story about a blind boy and a 'crazy' girl, just trying to find their way in a cruel world.

http://www.protagonize.com/story/blindfolded