I lay in the makeshift bed next to Luca, his skin brushing mine as he shifted under the sheets. He was restless, I think we both were really. Both thinking about Joe, Scott and the walkers that seemed to be gathering around us. As each hour slipped past with no sign of Joe we grew ever more worried about whether he was ever going to come back.
“you ok?” I shifted to rest my head on his chest as he rolled onto his back. His expression mirroring how I felt. He gently played with my hair, seeming slightly distracted.
“mhm,” he wasn’t convincing me. I looked up at him as he stared at the ceiling, worry playing across his eyes his thoughts probably on the same thing as mine were.
“you sure?” I pushed gently, not wanting to upset him.
He sighed “I dunno. I still feel like I should have gone with Joe,” I didn’t know what to say, As much as I wanted someone to go with Joe, I didn’t want to lose Luca. My mind was in conflict with itself and I could only think that I should have taken those few moments before Joe left to grab those bags and go myself.
“you’re hurt,” I concluded, falling back on the same argument I’d used earlier, “It would have been too dangerous,” I sighed “I should have been the one to go,”
“I’d be fine,” he insisted “I could probably catch up with him if I ran fast enough,” I saw the idea forming behind his eyes and the same idea formed in my mind, only mine went; Luca catching up with Joe, them both getting caught up by walkers and then either both or one of them getting killed as they tried to save each other.
“Don’t think about it,” I sat up to lean over him and look him in the face “please don’t go Luca,” I pleaded with him, “I can’t lose you,”
“I’d only be gone an hour, maybe two. I’ll be fine.” He insisted.
Worry spread through me, “I can’t lose you Luca, god damn it,”
He looked at me, uncertainty written across his face. I looked back at him, “I just don’t feel comfortable with you leaving,” I got up, feeling restless again. I went and leant against the window frame, looking out at the street, the walkers shambling around aimlessly, I was grateful that they hadn’t caught on to us as we hid out.
“because I can’t watch you get hurt again, I can’t lose you,” I turned to face him. He was leaning up on his elbows, looking over at me. The blanket had slipped down slightly from his torso, exposing his inked and muscled skin. I felt the tears well up in my eyes at the thought of being so close to losing him. He pushed himself up off the mats and blankets and came over, pulling me into a hug, being careful of his arm. I pressed my face into his shoulder and wrapped my arms round him. I really didn’t want to let him go, but as every hour slipped by my worry for Joe increased. I wanted to go after him, but I still wasn’t really any good at all of the fighting, and Scott wasn’t going to go. Luca was the only one who could really do it. But with his arm, I just didn’t want to think about it.