I frowned, I didn’t want to dwell on topics that upset him, even though I kinda wanted to know more about that. “what did you guys get up to?”
“we just used to hang out in the park where we met as kinds. Just keep out of everyone’s way, y’know? I lived in Idaho for a few years, so I didn’t see him much for a while, but we met back up in Las Vegas when we were like, fourteen,” he smiled, and for once it was genuine. It was like this guy Rayn had a massive positive effect on Luca. “we used to cheat in the casinos, as soon as we looked old enough to get in,”
I grinned at the idea of the two of them cheating the casinos, it hardly even surprised me from him. “You looked so much more handsome when you smile you know. He seems to be the only thing that makes you smile,” I couldn’t help but feel the tiniest bit jealous, as petty as it was, I’d hoped that maybe I could make him smile like that.
He laughed softly, “these days it’s hard to smile,”
“Do I make you smile?”
“when you’re not confusing me,” he said bluntly
I chewed my lip, I habit that I seemed to be using more and more these days. It annoyed me that I was so difficult. “sorry, I don’t mean to,”
“it’s ok. I think it’s usually more my fault than yours,” He had a point but I wasn’t going to let him take all the blame.
“no, I knew it was going to be hard. I should have dealt with it better,” I traced patterns on the back of his hand enjoying the feeling of his strong warm hand in mine.
He hesitated a second, a thought dancing around in the back of his mind. “M’sorry I upset you,” he rushed his way through the apology mumbling it. It took me a second to realise what he’d said but once it registered I looked up at him. I smiled gently, partly proud at him for apologising and partly amused at the idea that he thought he even had to. “you did what you thought was right. You saved me, the things they said they were going to do...” I shuddered slightly, and that was only at what they said they were going to do. What they actually did, I could hardly think about.
“did they actually do anything?”
I nodded, holding back the flashbacks that threatened to spill over the barricade I’d set up in my mind. “a couple of them...” the barricade wobbled and i couldn’t finish what I was going to say.
He remained silent but I felt his grip on my hand tighten slightly.
“I’m ok though, I promise,” I smiled weakly, although i knew it didn’t quite reach my eyes, “my big hero came and rescued me. Just like I knew he would,”
“some hero I am,”
“Luca if you hadn’t come for me...” wobble. I breathed deeply, focusing on keeping the wall up and not completely losing it, “if you hadn’t come for me they would have done much worse things to me. I know I was upset about how you felt with things but honestly you had to do it,”
“I should never have let you go in there alone,”
“I didn’t give you much of a choice really. None of us knew what was going to happen.”
“I should have instead,”
I shook my head. “They wouldn’t have let you anywhere near,” I moved to sit to face him “Luca look at me, I’m ok I promise. All I need now is you, you keep the bad thoughts and flashbacks away,”