What the fuck was I doing? Had I really gotten this soft that I was gonna give it another shot with her? I knew she was gonna try to get it out of me again, she wouldn’t relent until she’d heard all about why I don’t do trust. I didn’t really want to have to tell her about it. I didn’t want to think about it either.
Another thing I didn’t want to think about was what her reaction to my pathetic little story would be. If she had any sense, she’d run a few hundred miles. I mean if I told her why I didn’t trust, i’d have to tell her everything, wouldn’t I? There’s no way I can tell her “oh I don’t trust people because my mom and dad were cunts to me when I was a kid” or “most of my girlfriends have always ended up cheating on me”. Because it’s not just that, it’s the drugs, the killing, the band, everything. No kid that kills their parents ever turns out to be a normal human being.
When she asked for another chance I nearly laughed. It was definitely me that should’ve been asking that after how I’d managed to upset her, but somehow, she felt like she was the one that had to ask for a second chance.
"You don't need to, I trust you completely," she told me. Oh, you adorable fool. I smiled a little, wondering how anyone could ever trust another human being ‘completely’. It was just a totally alien concept to me. My trust in Rayn was hardly that solid. I just knew he’d always be there for me and never fuck me around. But it’s not complete trust, is it?
Sophia cut off my thoughts by pulling me in close and planting a kiss on my lips. I returned it, feeling her smile against me before pulling away. "I missed you when you were gone you know. I was worried you'd gotten hurt or something,” she told me. I let out a quiet laugh.
"No. I did exhaust myself though. I dunno how far I ended up running."
"Where did you end up?"
"Not sure. Some small village type place. Someone there was very enthusiastic about weapons. Not that it did him much good."
She smiled at me, "at least you're ok." She ran her fingertips down my arm. Her touch tickled a little, but it stopped when she felt the swollen mess where the bite had gotten infected. "Shit Luca, why didn't you say anything?"
I glanced down at it, the dim moonlight showing up just how swollen it was getting. "Forgot about it." I really had, as well. Between driving back, and all the arguing, I’d barely thought about it.
"How could you just forget? Fuck, okay we need to get back to camp and fix you up,” she said, taking on that tone of hers that meant business as she scrutinised it.
"I'm fine. I raided a chemist and got some antibiotics for it," I tried to shrug it off, but she was busy chewing on her lip, not as easily convinced as me.
“Well I want to check it anyway, just in case. There are some things antibiotics can't deal with."
"You mean the zombie virus?" I wasn’t sure if I was asking or stating. I mean the zombie virus was the only thing I could think of that couldn’t be fixed with some kind of medicine.
"No, I know your body can fight that off. I mean other viruses that can be just as nasty. I mean, it looks like it's clearing up but that doesn't mean it's completely safe." She paused to think. "I guess, if there was anything else you had in mind it could wait a little bit," she said with a blush even the dark couldn’t hide from me, "you don't seem too bad.”
“It’s probably just some sort of ex-junkie side effect,” I shrugged, “healing tends to be a rougher ride when you’ve fucked your body over the way I have.” I was pretty sure the ‘anything else in mind’ part was her hoping we’d stay here and have a heart-to-heart about my life or something. Suddenly I wanted to get back to the camp where I could pretend it didn’t exist.
“Maybe,” she said, dropping the subject as she returned to trailing her fingers over my skin, though she was careful to avoid the bite. It felt like she was waiting for me to say something and suddenly open up to her about everything, but that was hardly gonna happen any time soon. Hell, it might never happen. She didn’t seem like she wanted to push me, but I felt like I was cornered anyway. I didn’t know what I could say that would appease her curiosity for a while. "Luca... I promise you, there is nothing you could tell me that would make me leave. You are who you are and I accept that you've had a rough past. But you really can trust me."
“Thanks. Good to know.” I cleared my throat awkwardly. “I still don’t feel like talking about it just yet though.” I hoped that saying ‘just yet’ might lull her into thinking that I would talk about it at some point.
"Luca please, now's as good a time as any. Possibly the only real chance we'll get these days. I mean it," she brushed her hand across my cheek. I think it was meant to be an affectionate thing, but y’know, I missed the memo on what’s affection and what’s not. "What are you so afraid of?"
"We can go for a walk away from the camp any time we want," I muttered a little bit defensively.
"And risk getting caught by walkers? We're safe right now. Just talk to me, you've heard about most of my past and my secrets if it would help I can tell you more? I'm willing to open up to you and trust you. Believe me, there is nothing you can say that would shock me." She flashed me a smile, blushing again. "I love you Luca.” Oh god, what am I supposed to do now? My temper was beginning to rise. I knew she was just trying to help, but all I felt was trapped. I didn’t want to talk about it.
“My parents were shit and my girlfriends always cheated on me. I just learnt that trusting people was stupid move, okay?” I rushed my way through it, hoping it would shut her up for a while, “I’m tired. I had a long drive today; I just wanna go to bed.”
She leant in and gave me a soft kiss. "Sure. Come on, the tent I managed to get is big enough for about four.”
“We’re not sleeping in the tree house anymore?” I’d liked the tree house. Zombies aren’t very good at climbing.
Sophia shook her head, "I let Scott have it, truth be told I'm not really one for heights," she explained. That didn’t make me feel so good, but I nodded, keeping quiet on the way back.
We stepped into the small camp that sat around the base of the tree house’s tree, to find Joe had woken up. He was sat by the fire where Sophia had been earlier on. His dark eyes looked up at us, widening as they noticed me.
“You!” he shouted, standing up. “What the fuck are you doing here? You said you’d come back for me!” His voice tore through the campsite, but it was the anger in his voice that startled me. “You said you’d be back and you weren’t!”