I didn’t know if I was accusing her or not. I’d figured she’d go back to the camp just because it was better than being alone. Most people believe in safety in numbers, even if it got them killed as often as not. My temper had mostly been sparked by Scott shouting at me, but Sophia crying over nothing wasn’t helping. It’s not like I’d bust in all ‘you fucked off back to Scott’. More like ‘you fucked off and I want to know why’.
There was only one person I really trusted, and if you haven’t already guessed, that’s Rayn. Even if I didn’t have such massive trust issues, did she really think I’d trust in her in such a short amount of time? I’d barely thought of her as more than a friend before we’d ended up in bed together. She was the one telling me she was falling in love.
Thinking about that just made me angrier. I felt like I’d been played for an idiot, even with her tears.
“I didn’t come in here all guns blazing, and I never accused you of running back to Scott. Tell me when I actually said any of that,” I growled, about ready to snap someone’s neck. That someone was going to be Scott if he didn’t get off her. But then I might have lost her already. Something about that thought made my stomach twist. This wasn’t a problem I could fix with violence – I was totally at a loss as to what to do about it.
“Asking Scott where else I’d be? You just assumed I’d be with him, else you’d have been out there,” she said, pushing Scott away slightly. “Or am I wrong? Because I damn well hope I am, Luca.” I gritted my teeth at her using that name in front of others.
“Don’t you dare call me that in front of others,” I warned her. Taking a breath – one of those deep ones that fill your whole chest – I continued. “I assumed you’d be at the camp. You’re hardly the type to go it alone.”
She looked away, her face shining with tears. “Can you leave us a minute?” she asked Scott. Thankfully he did as she asked without kicking up a fuss. I don’t think I would have been able to stop myself from hitting him if he’d been a dick about it. “I’m sorry I ran off, but AJ was my best friend. I-I didn’t think...” she tried to keep her voice even, but it didn’t matter.
“No, you didn’t,” I agreed. I think my own voice was betraying me – it was colder than it was probably supposed to be. She took a step towards me. Not many people have been so brave when I’ve been so obviously pissed off.
“Luca, please, has nothing between us in the past few days meant anything to you? I care about you, and I’m sorry I hurt you.”
“Trusting someone and something having meaning to me are different. Sure it meant something. But you running off like that didn’t hurt me, it just reminded me why I don’t trust anyone.” Okay so that wasn’t entirely true – it did hurt a bit, and I do have someone I trust. But when that person you trust is probably already dead, it’s not strictly a lie, is it?
“Why? I didn’t run to get away from you. Me and Joe waited for you on the roof then searched the town trying to find you. We had to come back here because it wasn’t safe,” she was moving closer to me, “you have no reason not to trust me, I promise.” I bit back a retort. People that said that were usually the ones that fucked you over the worst.
“I don’t do trust,” I reminded her bluntly, “where is Joe, anyway?” I asked, eager to change the topic.
“Sleeping,” she told me, switching the conversation straight back. “Why don’t you? Don’t think you can get out of this, Luca, I’ve told you everything. I’ve given everything up to you and trusted you completely. Why can’t you trust anyone?” she demanded, hurt showing on her face that even I could see. “Why can’t you trust me?”
“It’s nothing personal, Sophia, but I’m not having this conversation.”
She let out this sigh, looking let down on top of hurt. Fuck’s sake. Girls are too fucking complicated. “Fine, just let me know when you actually want me to be around again,” she was still crying, quietly now. She went back over to the fire where she’d abandoned food and started cooking. There was the briefest temptation to stick my knife in my throat. Instead, I managed to rein in my urge to hit something, and after another deep breath, I sat across the fire from her, not sorry that the brightness of it meant it was hard to see her face.
I was silent for a few minutes. I knew I had to force out some kind of apology, but thinking it was one thing. Getting it out my mouth was another.