The last time I'd had anyone being affectionate towards me was... Christ I couldn't even remember. Maybe that chick I had in Idaho before I got hooked on drugs. I was like, twelve. Either way, the point is that I had no idea what I was supposed to be doing. Like I've mentioned before - my relationships have all been for mutual benefit, not because we actually cared about each other.
As I watched Sophia get dressed, I couldn't help wondering if I'd managed to fuck up already. Did she want more from me than I knew how to give? I didn't get it. She flashed me a smile as she ambled over to her lab stuff, which I returned. It didn't stop me wondering. As she fiddled with things, she didn't seem to have the same concentration she usually has with her work. Like something was distracting or bugging her.
"You okay?" You seem pretty quiet," she said after a while.
"Yeah," I managed a smile, "just trying to remember the last time someone was affectionate with me," I told her in an effort to sort of point out that I had no idea what I was supposed to be doing without making myself sound like a total freak, or an idiot.
There was a smile on her lips as she walked back over to me. "It's okay. I understand that this won't be particularly easy for you, but we can take it slow," she told me, taking hold of my hand. I squeezed it a little, kinda glad for the comfort. I felt so stupid. I was acting like I was with my first girlfriend ever, at the age of twenty three.
"I'm pretty sure I was still pre-pubescent the last time someone cared about me properly," I laughed. I had Rayn. He was a good friend. But that's hardly the same, is it? "Not that I used to be the most loveable person in the world." That got at least a small, soft laugh from her.
"Well you've got me," she reminded me, stepping a little closer to me, "I care." Those words seemed to roll off her tongue so easily, and I wondered how she could say that without just laughing in my face. It felt so weird, not only knowing somewhere in the back of my mind that she cared, but hearing it too. Don't ask me why, it just did. I guess I'd just gotten so used to being alone. Solitude had suited me so well before.