It was strange, having to think twice about what I did with her. I'd never cared before. I was used to being the one that was totally in control, and no one had ever argued when I'd pushed them up against a wall. No one argued with me full stop. I got what i wanted when I wanted it and woe betide you if you disagreed with me. Don't get me wrong, I didn't bother forcing a girl to do anything with me, but she probably wished there was a volume control on my voice.
Either way, that was before the world went to shit and my supply of drugs dried up. Now I was sober I did seem to have the capacity to care - something that would take me a long time to get used to, no doubt - and I didn't know really what I could do without fucking things up. I guessed I wasn't going to be able to charm her into doing anything, and I didn't want to resort to yelling or worse. The nagging worries and doubts chased each other around my head as I lay down leaving it up to her whether she followed suit. I rolled onto my side facing her as she joined me.
She cuddled up to me pretty closely, lacing our fingers together again. I planted a kiss on the top of her head, not too sure where my boundaries were with her. Looking up at me with a smile, she returned the kiss, but placed it gently on my lips. I kissed back, but I kinda held back, keeping in mind what had happened earlier when I hadn't thought to.
"You okay, Luca?" she pulled away, looking confused.
"Yeah. I just didn't know what sort of speed you wanted to go."
"It's ok, I trust you. I feel ok with you I know you wont push me into anything."
I smiled. "That's something, at least." I didn't think anyone had ever said that about me, but I was hardly about to tell her that. This could be like a fresh start for me. Maybe I could even leave Cancer behind entirely, one day.
Her lips on mine cut that thought short quickly enough as she pressed up against me. I was doing my best to control the reaction this was all having in my pants, I really was, but it had been so fucking long that I didn't know how long I'd be able to keep it from embarrassing me. Her fingers trailed down my arm. I put my hand in the small of her back, holding her against me as I kissed her neck.
The slight shiver that shook her and the "mmmm..." she let out didn't do much to stop me from getting more and more turned on. She tensed a little when my hand slid up under her shirt, but she relaxed quickly enough, her fingers running through my hair. I found myself hesitating a bit anyway, not sure if this was going to end well for a minute. I tugged her shirt up a little, testing her reaction. She nuzzled my neck, kissing it as if to signal for me to carry on. I tilted my head to the side a little so she could reach better, running a rough hand up her side.
She looked up at me. "I want this Luca, I... I want you." Like the semi I'd been sporting needed any more encouragement. Our lips crushed together in a hard kiss. The passion she injected into it drew a hum from the back of my throat and my hands acted on their own as they pulled her top up further. Blushing a little, she slipped out of it, letting me make short work of the battered bra. I threw it somewhere behind me, littering her bared chest with kisses, revelling in the way she shivered again.
She shifted us so that I was on top. Kneeling so I was straddling her, I tore the baggy shirt off and it joined the bra somewhere across the room. Her fingers danced across my chest, her breath quickening as I nipped and kissed and bit my way down to the waistband of her pants.