She caught me off guard for a moment. As my back hit the wall, I thought she was gonna yell louder or hit me or something. That thought was gone faster than it arrived, and my eyes narrowed.
"My name is a big enough clue, Sophia," I told her, "I'm flattered you like me, but I'm not kidding when I tell you I'm no good for you." Like a cancer. Get it?
She was getting pissed. "On a scale of no good for me, you're rating pretty low in the grand scheme of things. Its not like I'm asking you to fucking marry me, it's the freaking apocalypse."
That wasn't what I was getting at. I could feel my temper quickly reaching boiling point for the first time in days. "I get into people's lives and end up destroying them, and it's not just the ones on the wrong end of my gun I'm talking about here." I couldn't even begin to count the number of people that had ended up dying - or worse - because of me. It was always my fault when something bad happened and I'm the first to fucking admit it.
"What life have I got left to be destroyed? Look around, there's nothing left but us. We can go back to camp or we can stay here or the shop, either way all that we have left is what we make for ourselves." She let out this sigh that sounded like she was exhausted. "All I want is us to have some sort of makeshift life in this hell, is that too much to ask?"
I shook my head. Of course it wasn't. If I was anyone else, I'd have been more than happy to try and make something of it, but that's kind of the problem. I am me, this fucking walking danger zone. Everywhere I go, there's this huge fucking trail of disaster after disaster after disaster.
I wasn't as quick to calm down as Sophia was. My temper's always been explosive - a trait I probably picked up from my first class parents - and slow to subside. She touched me, just a gentle brush of her fingertips down the length of my arm, but she might as well have punched me for all the good it did.
"Please Cancer, just give it a chance. If you decide against it then fine... I-I'll let you walk away, but just give it a chance." I closed my eyes and thumped my head against the wall a couple times. Why was I so wound up over this? Fuck it, I usually didn't care if a chick liked me or not. If she liked me, it was just easier to get what I wanted from her. It should have been no different with Sophia.
After a few long, silent moments passed I opened my eyes again to the sight of her chewing on her lip. The quiet hadn't exactly calmed me, I was still wound up tighter than a bow string, but I wasn't about to go ahead and punch the wall like I'd wanted to a moment ago. I hate to admit it - really, really hate it - but I think I'd gotten into such a state because I was scared. I was getting attached whether I liked it or not and you should know me by now. I don't do emotions or attachments or any of that other crap.
Her goddamn lip was bleeding again. Not that she noticed. She reached out kinda slowly, taking my hand in hers. Her fingers found the gaps between mine again and settled there. This almost sickeningly hopeful look was plastered on her face, and as I roughly wiped away the bead of blood with my thumb, it got worse. I guess she was doing her best to be as open as possible or something, but she didn't need to try. Her body language had been easy enough to read since the moment I'd met her.
Nothing really made sense anymore. It'd only been a few days, maybe a week, since I met her. I hadn't really been counting, but it felt like such a short time. I guess the apocalypse really had gotten to me if I was getting attached to someone so quickly. Trust and hope and that weird feeling of attraction that goes beyond just someone's looks were all alien to me.
Fuck knows why I kissed her.