I didn't feel like a good person. I felt like what I was: a filthy, horny piece of trailer trash stranded in the wrong country. There was way too much shit in my past for me to be a good person anymore.
And fuck, was I horny. I'd sort of moved beyond just wanting to get into Sophia's pants now I'd spent a bit more time with her. She wasn't exactly a friend as such - I don't have friends - but there was more to it than just wanting to fuck her and move on. Well, until she walked straight into my shower cubicle butt naked. It'd been way too long since I'd had a chick.
I'd seen her looking at me just then. I looked at her too, for a moment. I liked what I saw, but I wasn't too sure she'd like the effect that was starting to have on me. Staring at the wall in front of me, I tried to clear my head and make my body behave. Thank fuck she was looking away by this point. Eventually I calmed down enough that I figured I'd be safe enough to grab the towel I'd found and start drying off. Sophia grabbed hers too, only she just wrapped it around herself, still looking away from me. I didn't much care if she looked or not, it's not like I had much to hide. Just a few scars from a long time ago, but I could pass them off as anything these days.
"What makes you think I'm a good person, anyways?" I asked, my curiosity winning out.
"You saved me, twice," she said. "Surely if you weren't, you would have just left me," the smile on her face made me bite my tongue. Now that I kinda didn't just wanna do my usual fuck and run routine, I actually felt a little bad about my motives for helping her out. I pushed that thought away. "And you're sticking around with me when you could easily just abandon me." Her shoulders lifted up in a shrug and I nodded slightly.
"Having someone to talk to that doesn't wind me up is pretty refreshing," I told her with a crooked smile. Some of the other people I'd ended up with, I'd ended up wanting to stab them more than I wanted to stab a zombie. On two or three occasions I actually had. By accident, of course. And when no one was looking.
She returned my smile, meeting and holding my gaze as she spoke. "Thank you, by the way. For saving me again."
"Don't mention it." Really, don't. I'd just feel guilty every time. She just kept smiling, leaning carefully against the wall. At that point, my mind sort of went blank and I had nothing to say. What were you supposed to say when there was a chick standing in front of you with only a towel wrapped around her in the middle of an apocalypse? I mean, if it had been any other time, I wouldn't be talking so much, and there wouldn't be any towels in the way, if you catch my drift. But for some reason, this felt kinda different. I mean, either of us could die any day now, shouldn't we be fucking like rabbits and making the most of each day? I know I would be with anyone else. "I'm gonna look for some clothes," I blurted after a moment. "Want me to find some for you too?"
"Oh, uh..." was that disappointment? Fuck. What was this stupid, shitty apocalypse doing to me? "Yeah, thanks."
"I mean, we could just wander around naked, if you prefer," I laughed, trying to lift the mood a little.
"No, no," she smirked and pushed off the wall, moving to get her things from the other cubical. I dropped the towel on the floor anyway, wandering off back towards the ward we'd slept in bollock naked, almost just to prove that I didn't care, that I'd only offered to get clothes for us both because I thought maybe she wanted them. I felt her eyes on me as we walked back. She was a few paces behind me, so I can only guess what she found so interesting.
I sort of made a show of looking around, not really searching for anything, my mind wandering. I paused as I found an abandoned vial of morphine lying in a tray on one of the beds. It was almost like it was calling to me. It'd been so long since I'd last gotten high, but I remembered the euphoria like it was yesterday. I moved on before the craving could settle in properly. I wasn't sure how long it had been, but it'd been a good few months since my last hit. I wouldn't last long if I fell back into those old habits now. It could wait til this was all over. It took a depressing amount of will power to stop myself from going back to it, though.
In an effort to distract myself, I glanced over in Sophia's direction every so often. Totally unaware that I was watching, she unwrapped the towel and stretched, pulling her hair back into a pony tail.
"I'm gonna start getting ideas," I chuckled, winking at her. She jumpe slightly, that blush flooding her face again as she apologised. I wasn't too sure why she was saying sorry. I'd been enjoying the view. I flashed her a warm grin, wandering back over empty handed. Avoiding my gaze, she crossed her arms over her chest, suddenly more shy than I'd seen her being before. I sat down on the edge of a bed nearby, but not too close. I'm not an idiot, I can read body language. "What's up?" I asked.
"N- nothing," she told me weakly, chewing her lip. Over the last few days, that look had become a pretty familiar one.
"I know that face. C'mon, what's bugging you?"
I don't think anything could've prepared me for her answer, or her honesty about it. There were tears starting to shine in her eyes and that was when I figured it was more than just uncomfortable modesty. "I- it's..." she stammered, not sure where to begin. Her hand flew out to snatch up her towel again in an almost unconscious move to cover herself again. "When I was a kid... my dad used to come into my room at night... he'd make me do things..." I think I might have visibly paled at that. All the playfulness I'd felt only a few moments ago vapourised as tears started to drip down her face. The fuck was I supposed to do? Man, I thought my childhood was shitty.
I grabbed the sheet off the bed I was sat on and tied it around my waist, moving over to pull her into a hug. I didn't have a clue what else I could do or say.