"Don't make people around you uncomfortable all of the time, just now and again do something to really rattle them and keep them on their toes".

"She wakes up and finds your sorry a** in bed next to her, hung over, in a gas mask, boiler suit, and rubber coat with no clue how you got there or why you're dressed like that, but she didn't call the cops or move out. That's love".

"I heard a boy say that 'The sound of a shotgun slide being racked is the biggest scary attention getter in the world' (his words not mine). I however subscribe to the notion that the sound of any firearm being cocked is equal in it's terror inducing effects". Just looking up the barrel of an unloaded rifle aimed at your head is bad enough, trust me.

"Watch this." *Usually followed by some demonstration of stupidity/pyromania/violence/revelation*

"You need money? I've got plenty of money, it's just a question of how much you want and what I get if you don't pay me back." By the way, I usually ask for a pound of flesh from the heart.

"I don't know jack about making computers work, but I do know that they're allergic to blowtorches and sledgehammers." That's the only way I know how to wipe a hard-drive.

"I may be dressed in oil-stained jeans, an old army jacket, and a worn out farm equipment hat, and I might not understand computers too well, but that doesn't mean you need to talk slow and use little words, I'm better at the language than you are." Also, I'm a customer, so where's your manager Mr. Pencil-Neck?

The End

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