Quotes? You want quotes?
I got hundreds of the things.... here's a few favourites:
"It is better to keep your mouth shut and let people THINK you're an idiot than to open your mouth and confirm it." - (I've forgotten)
"Lost? I am NOT lost! I know precisely where I am! ... I'm right here." - (Also unsure...)
"The young man knows the rules, but the old man knows the exceptions." - Oliver Wendell Holmes.
"Life is far too important to be taken seriously" - Oscar Wilde
"It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog." - Mark Twain
Here's a couple I say on a regular basis...
"I've got it! What we need is a really complex, foolproof and brilliantly thought out plan! ... Failing that, we could improvise." - Me!
"Half the world think I'm crazy. The rest KNOW I am." - Me again.
"Yes yes yes, I'm sure this thing is very important. ... But what does it DO?" - Me.
"If all else fails, RUN AWAY!" - Me.
"I don't need an excuse to be mad. I'm Welsh." - Me
And finally, a rather amusing dialouge I can't resist putting in here:
American Tourist: "What's the point in visiting Britain? It's just a boring little island, what's there to see?"
Me: "Hey! It may be nothing but a small damp bog at the edge of the world, but it's MY small damp bog at the edge of the world! And for your information, it's name is Britain."