I don't feel right. I'm presuming I'm hungry by the way I'm searching madly for something to eat. However, I turn everything I see down. Bread, ham, cheese, biscuits, everything.
I don't think I can eat anything. I've eaten enough today. Had a burger at break, a massive bag of crisps at lunch that I haven't finished yet. I can't do healthy. I just can't...
I could be sick. Typical, blame the school food. Or blame the bag of crisps. Or blame the students for carrying germs. I don't know and the answer won't help me anyway.
I feel cold at the same time as feeling warm. And I'm tired. So tired. I really need to sleep earlier.
I'm going to cry.
I can't write everything I want to say in a logical and grammatically correct way. Therefore, bullet points will have to do.
- Maths - I was so happy on my first lesson. Now I hate maths and myself for being so slow.
- Friends - They have me, I don't have them. Again, the same old whine, "They wouldn't mind if I wasn't there." I made two friends in the past 4 days and I was so happy. But I've not seen my Freya (I keep wanting to call her that) and I sometimes feel like my other friend doesn't like me, like she only hangs around with me because she has to. I hope it's not true.
- I wish I saw my year 13 friends more often. I miss them...
- Williams - Though she seems to have good intentions, her method of motivation makes me want to cry with frustration, sadness and despair. It's annoying that a close friend of mine is good friends with her so I can't rant to her about W.
- End of the day - I'm alone again, waiting for the bus, cornered by people on the bus, walking home alone. Drip drip drop.
This day has been shit. Even though they're little things, it still builds up and up and up. I was crying in maths though I'm glad no one noticed. I almost cried during "Life!" with W. I wanted my puppy to tell me to ignore her and to tell me everything is fine. But he wasn't there.
- I came home searching for my love. He wasn't there. I went to play piano in anguish. I came back up, he's playing a game. With his friend. I'm jealous and lonely.
- The dogs just barked to say my dad is home. I wanted the house to myself for just a little longer so I could cry out all this rubbish. But I can't now...
I don't know what I've done wrong!