SearchingMature

This is where I go when I just need to write and write. Self pity, brilliant place to start when looking for inspiration. And always with the flowers....

Iris by The Fray is on the radio. A precious moment for me as this type of good music is rarely ever on these days. 1D and weird new girl bands made sure of that.

I often search for things on Facebook. It's the only place I've thought to look though I know the internet is vast. I search for many items. Mainly something along the lines of Paganism as it is a spirituality that interests me. I have joined a group and it's been making me feel safe.

But it's still not right.

So I keep searching. I'd like a nice table, virtual or real, to sit down at with a bunch of other people and feel safe. I miss feeling safe.

I also want to make others feel safe. Make them feel happy. I made a new friend recently which is an enormous achievement for me. I don't know why, it just is. She's really nice though I know little about her as I rarely see her. She's like a ghost, not quite here, while I struggle to see her. She needs time out from the hussle of school and large crowds of people paying no attention to others needs. I understand that totally.

I just wish I could go with her when she ghosts.

I miss her. I've only known her for 3 days but I'm glad I have. I made another friend in those 3 days and she and I get on really well. I guess I've either been lucky or worked harder this time to make proper relationships with people in my year. The norm is for people to make their own groups and anyone who's left will let me in. Or I'll just stay out of everyone's way to save the bother. This year, I'm not standing for my own habit of avoidance.

I want to be louder, more insane, more memorable. I want people to remember my face with positive connotations. 

I want people to remember my name.

The End

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