December 6th, 2012 - ExhaustionMature

by this point i'm so exhausted that words will not come
which is kind of funny i've always said i write better when i'm tired
and they say i should go to bed earlier
and i say no because going to bed earlier is discipline
but it's not really it's simple enough i say i'll get around to it
eventually you know you get what i mean you're the same

so if when i'm tired i can't find words does that mean
that words are energy because i don't have that either
or maybe the absence of them both isn't relevant
not linked like i don't have you and i don't have my friends
but that doesn't mean they're one and the same
not that you're not my friend i mean you are

so if i don't have words why am i forcing them out
this is the point when you would take my laptop away
and tell me i needed to sleep
and laugh at all my questions and stupid comments
and say i'm just tired and i'll feel better in the morning
and it's not as bad as i think

i think you're wrong but i don't tell you that
mainly because i don't want to hurt your feelings
but also because i'm so tired that the words to argue vanish
as soon as i try and speak them just as the punctuation
and the capitals and the structure
my life isn't structured either i lost that a while ago

i am exhausted and my eyes are closing yet still
i have work i should be doing and i can't let it go
it's important and you say nothing's that important
but it is i have a deadline you wouldn't get it
or would you because after all you're very like me
a version of you lived inside my head for three years

still does in fact but that's not you i said that wasn't you
and i'm sorry for saying it was but i can't let it go
you're laughing again you say i needn't worry
i'm only this confused because i'm tired
but i'm not this is important please just listen to me
i never said i should have said i couldn't i'm

you're tired miriam you say and you take away my pen
and tell me that sleep is what i need
i'm just working myself into a frenzy now
and that won't do either of us any good will it
i feel the words slip away as i sink into the pillow
and the last thing i hear is that i must just be tired

i am more than tired

The End

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