Who am I?

Who are you?

My friend in university once labelled me a "truck dog", meaning I was like the big messy dog on the back of a pickup truck who would, at the first opportunity, jump off and leap on an unsuspecting stranger with muddy paws, just assuming they'd like him.  And no matter how much they pushed him off and scolded him, would keep on following them around, knowing they'd learn to love him.

I am very much that Golden Retriever.  When you first meet me, you'll either love my fast paced  impression of a raconteur and cheerfulness or be put off by it.  I will, however, ignore the cold shoulder that comes with the latter.  I despise first impressions, refuse to brand people by them, and will dismiss any you may have of me as such.  I can count on many fingers people who now like me, who will afterwards disclose that they didn't know how to take me at first. I try, first and foremost, to like everyone I meet, am especially empathic of those that few like, and work hard at being a nice person.

I attract myself to the wounded, the introverted and the castaways - they seem to tell the best stories and having been there one time or another feel the need to return the favour that I must have been offered many times by others.  Yet, when faced with constant, unrepentant gloom, I drift away.  Happiness is sometimes an effort, and as my friend says, "Sometimes you have to fake it until you make it".  I agree.  No one wants to hang out with the persistently down and out.  (Except Eeyore, because he's funny)

I am loyal to a fault and often times stay put in situations I would have been wise to pack in ages ago.  That either makes me optimistic or naive.  It also means I hate having to start over, throw in a towel or recognize when I've lost.  In a nutshell, I've been defrauded twice, and cheated on once.

People who don't know me well wonder if I take things seriously enough.  The referral letter I received upon graduation was, "Do not mistake Trevor's jocularity as a lack of effort or seriousness.  When there is work to be done, Trevor is the first to get the ball rolling."  Given the choice  of frustration, anger or tears, I choose humour, and I think that's kept me relatively sane during some very trying moments.   I refuse anger as a valid response and will walk away before engaging in it.

I am, however, very emotional and rely heavily on encouragement and validation.  Having been burnt, I know, has left me twice shy.  Because I sense the importance of such, I offer sincere compliments as often as I can, and try to keep an eye on how others are doing, ask them if they're OK, and try to cheer up anyone who may need it.  I also despise constant negativity, and being human, have my own moments but try very hard not to let it show, and will often overcompensate for it by being just plain goofy.

I jump into everything head first, and push myself 120%, meaning I'm apt to make mistakes.  Those who know me know that I'm taking everything in all at once, with an intent of not only mastering it, but finding a better way to do it.  As a result, I don't deal well with impatient people or short fuses.

Once in a while., I shut down, and feel the need just to be alone, to be introspective and to figure out, once again who I am.   And there you have it.


The End

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