Jerry and I had switched places in the world.
He was the crazy, unstable psychopath who only wanted to hurt people, and I was the one who had to take the world on my shoulders.
And that meant Ellie.
I had to stop her from leaving. I couldn't let her walk out of my life; not after all that I had been through. After all that I had lost.
But she would be moving in two days. I didn't have much time. Somehow, I would have to convince her to stay, make her feel safe here. Safe with me.
But some small part of my mind cautioned me against it. I had this feeling--this strange, instinctual sense--that if I told Ellie how I really felt about her, and somehow it worked out between us...I would lose her too. Lose her like I had lost Laura. And Ally and Jade and maybe even Jerry...because it seemed like all I ever brought to people was sorrow.
No. I could never, ever tell Ellie how I felt about her. How I wanted to hold her and kiss her and tell her that I loved her.
Because if I did, Ellie would die.