I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry. I want to say that before anything else, so that maybe, if you don't believe anything else I ever say to you, you'll believe that.
It started out as just a thought, but it grew and grew until it took over my mind. I'm not trying to blame what I did on my psychological condition, I'm just telling it like it is. It became the one thing in my mind, and I started to dream about it. It was horrible. I felt like I was drowning, and I would flounder in the depths, running out of air, as I tried to fight it. In the end it consumed me, and you know what happened after that.
I want to tell you something, something I've only ever told one human being, and she's gone now. I was in love, once. Hard to believe, I know. But she loved me back. It's the most amazing feeling in the world, and we both know it. She died too, ripped away from me at the second I needed her most. We've both known great pain, Jerry. Maybe we're not so different after all.
I'm sorry. -E