I. Have. Failed.
So many people are now suffering because of me. But when I do try to follow a request, it's so painful to commit to and heartbreaking that I'm feeling more emotionless by the second.
I could do so many things; host an intervention... okay, I could do many more things than one thing, But the more and more I rush possibilities through my mind I realise not only would it make her resent being my friend even more, but...bu--
I can't. I need to learn to just, not attach myself emotionally, to anyone. I mean if I'm too afraid of arguing against a friend in fear of losing her, then how can I-- How can I hold anything together.
My dog is going to have an operation tomorrow. And I'm the one to blame. I spent so much effort focusing on preventing him from ever getting an eye infection that I never thought about his ears...
And this is MY problem. I'm sure this is why I cock everything up eventually. I try so hard to improve on or prevent one thing, that I lose sight of the rest. I've lost sight of what's important, what's most important. My friends! The annoying thing is I can't even pin down what it was I WAS focusing on.
So fuck life. All I've learnt is that when life throws me lemons, I can't make lemonade because I've already done something so carelessly stupid that has resulted in them being squeezed into my eyes...