Dying Very SlowlyMature

Dear Me,

You're not looking to great are you? Your eyes are droopy, your fingers are sore and you have moments when you forget why you still live. I mean why should you? There are so many people who have died when they deserved to live, because they are willing to offer themselves to the world, because they might have actually felt human. You can keep comparing yourself to an alien to make yourself feel more reassured about why you don't feel love and only hate and that has to end. Can't you just see that you're damaged somehow? Why are you listening to most awful, ear-breaking song ever and not turning it off? Because you're trying to feel closer to some of your friends by trying to find things in common with them that you simply DON'T HAVE.

Give up you pathetic excuse for a human being. I pity you even more for not having the guts to just shove the knife into your chest. Like a said, you're a coward, and what's worse is that some part of you actually believes that there's a possibility that one day you might just wake up and things will be okay again. Well you're wrong idiot. That’s why she hurts isn't it. Because you know that if you weren't so stupid she wouldn't talk to you as though you were a mindless mutt. Stop thinking about what she cares! It's not worth wanting someone to like you so badly when you know that you have enough friends who will toss you enough chunks of caring to call love.

Here's a list of things you should actually be doing to improve your life but are that much of a lazy-git and hopeless, evil moron to not do them:

  • You're not trying to get on with your brother. I admit he can be a little devil sometimes but he's your only one. Plus you only see your cousins in the holidays, don't lie to yourself that they could make an easy equivalent.
  • You're not supporting a charity like you said you would, and you know that even if you did, you're only doing this to make a good university application in the future you heartless twat.
  • You're not starting a sport, like you said you would. It doesn't matter how stupid it is but if you really feel that self-conscious about your physique then you would do something about it. Honestly, you don't care because you know no-one would ever get to the stage of wanting to explore the whole you anyway.
  • You're not revising, and if you want to flunk your exams and skip out on a potentially better life or career, who am I to stop you?

Anyway, good luck with your sad, sad life. Hope it gets worse. That's what you deserve.

Sincerely, yourself.

The End

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