We finished up on the field and allowed the football team on for practice. I think there's something vaguely unsporting about just kicking a ball, not playing if you're slightly hurt and getting paid quite a bit for it if you reach the celebrity footballer status. I would never be that way in rugby! Rugby was about getting caked in the mud, getting into the scrum and really fighting against your fellow man just to win the game. That was sports, and that was why I played rugby. It got me pumping in a way nothing else ever could.
I took to the showers and did my usual thing of going into the seperate showers rather than the rest of the guys who were all in the communal shower. You see, I discovered that when I was just fourteen years old I had certain desires per se. So I didn't shower with the guys anymore, just incase I had a repeat of that incident. Coincidentally, on that same day I dicovered that I didn't have these feelings for other people.
I guess it's just difficult to say. But I, Harvey Leonard Thompson am gay. I'm ashamed I've tried to figt these desires but try as I might - nothing works. Outwardly to the world I'm just a straight man concentrating on my stuides in Engineering, not letting a relationship get in the way of my work; but really I'm just too scared to tell anyone. It's my secret and it will stay that way.
Plus, have you ever heard of a gay rugby player? I think not! I would be the laughing stock of the team. And if I'm not lauged out of the team, I'll be the clown or token player, not gaining anything for my talent. I can't
Normally the guys will go out to a bar after practice. They'll have a drink, pick up a few drunk girls and take them back to the halls or their flats. I'd normally be the designated driver and get surrounded by these, well all I can call them are whores, but that's opinions. They'd press up against me and try to give my beery kisses but I'd push them away. What else could I even contemplate?
Today I decided to go to the pub just off campus, I'd have a few pints of bitter and forget how fucking lonely things really were. Maybe I'd even make a friend, hell it'd be the only thing I'll ever pick up in a bar.