I don't really remember when they started or why.. but I've been talking to myself for as long as I can remember.
- I usually put that down to being an only child, it's my mum's fault for not adopting another when I was little (not that I'm adopted~)
The earliest memory I have of voices would have to be (unlike the poem by ReflectedMoonlight) Chris' ringing over and over in my head, playing like a broken record.
You're sick. You're sick. You're sick. And so on.
After that, the voices of other people in my head became a natural occurrence.
John with his general hateful words.
Bea with her.. "I've been wanting to kill myself and you're not helping"
My mother with her "Carry on like that and I'll start being like -redacted-'s parents" -i.e. start abusing me-
My mother with her "You b*tch." or "You selfish cow." or something of the sort.
Weirdly enough, the only one which has completely stayed with me and never left my mind for long is Chris'.
All the voices probably started around then actually because that was around about when the self-whispering started. Y'know, the one inside your head insulting you?
At this point it was.. "You're a b*tch. You're evil. It's you're fault he cuts himself now. There's no one else to blame. It's all your fault. You're a bad omen. I hate you. Why did you hurt him? You're a terrible person. No wonderDevildidn't want you." and things of the sort.
It wasn't long before it became "You're too fat. Lose some weight. You're a stupid slut. Why do people want you anyway? You're nothing. Look at yourself. You're ugly and disgusting and you are going to die alone for the way you treat people. Look at that imperfection there. Have you seen how heavy you are? All of your ex's are lighter than you. Yes, all of them. You're so fat. You're a failure. You couldn't lose any weight if your life damn well depended on it. What does it matter? You'll still be ugly if you do. You know, people only want you for your boobs. That's all you're worth. You'll grow up to be a pole dancer or a stripper because that's all you're good for. You are trash."
And there was also the freaky name calling. Every time I went to bed I would close my eyes with my head rested on the pillow and I would wait for sleep to come but instead of sleep, yelling. Everyone I knew back then would be in my head, shouting my name or whispering my name.. trying to get my attention or talking about me.
I used to lie, with my eyes closed, for a good few minutes with people in my head getting slowly louder and louder until my head would feel like it was about to explode...
One of the reasons why I started to avoid sleep...
So there we are, my three stages of voices~