I So Ship ThatMature

I wiggle my bottom into the couch cushions trying to make myself comfortable. The tea in my kitchen brews and begins to make high pitched noises that make my ears bleed like a weeping statue. I'd invited Kamala over and she should be arriving any minute. I told her I need help planning interview questions for Aaron's upcoming assistant, but to be honest, I just needed someone to gossip with.

The doorbell rings and I jump up to answer it. A little spring in one's step never hurt anybody, it'll keep me young-- okay and I might be just a tad excited to see her. “Kam, hi, how are you. Oh Dearest it's been forever. Tell me, how have you been. Oh, you're practically glowing, are you pregnant. No, that's not it... gasp! You had sex! Tell me everything. Who was it with? Is it someone I know? Does the press know? I mean I know you're just an assistant, but someone like you could definitely date up to a star.” She stares at me blankly, unsure of what to say. “Oh I'm sorry, come in, come in. Welcome to my humble abode as they say. Take a seat.” I grab her wrist and push her down onto the couch.

“I didn't have... that word.” She clenched her teeth together as she said it, clearly trying not to smile.

“Oh, you're a shy one now aren't you. Don't shag and brag, as they say? I bet you weren't shy last night. Tell me everything.”

“I just told you all there is to say. Nothing happened.” Kamala's cheeks turn a shade of crimson so bright I think I'm going blind.

“Okay, okay, I believe you.” O.M.G. I so do not. I struggle to keep a straight face as I evoke those words. “So, let's talk about me!” My face lights up at the sound of me. Me. Me. Me. Such a beautiful word, and it describes such a beautiful person- me.

“I thought you wanted help with coming up with--”

“Oh pish posh! So there's this boy-- well really a man-- oh yes, he's very much a man. He asked me out, but I turned him down.”

“Well- erm--” Kamala clears her throat. “if he's so great, why'd you say no?”

“Because,” I drag out the last few letters of the word. “I want to know that he's committed to all this.” I wave my hands down the grooves of my body. “I want him to get down on his knees and beg before I get down on my knees. If you know what I mean. Oh! I am so bad!”

“Wow Aaliyah, I've- er- never seen this side of you before. You must really be smitten. I know what that's like.” She sighs the happiest sigh I've ever heard and rests her hand upon her cheek. I won't say anything yet, see how far she takes this.

“Yeah, he's okay.” I struggle to find the right words to describe this imaginary man that'll make Kamala reveal the truth. I know they're out there though. “With his strong muscles, electrifying eyes, and... soft lips.”

“Soft lips? Like Al-ex-s.” As she speaks her voice gets quieter, almost inaudible towards the end. Nonetheless, there's my answer. As she realises I heard her, her eyes go wide, her hand shoots up to cover her mouth, and her body starts shaking with anxiety.

“O-migawd! I can't believe this. You and Alex... you and... a girl? I had no idea that's what you were into. Tell me everything. What's that like?” Kamalex, I like it.

“Shh, shh, shh. You can't tell anyone I told you, okay. Not even Alex herself can know that you know, but, uh, I have to, uh, go. Bye.” With that she ran out my door in such a rush that she forgot to close it behind her.

Nonchalantly, I walk over to the door to close it, shielding my eyes from any potential cameras that may be waiting for me. Oh, the life of a star is not an easy one. I can't believe this, it's so exciting, I have to tell someone. Ooh, I know, Aaron should know. He can keep a secret. I start towards the phone when I hear it commence it's jingle-jangle ringtone. Creepy.

“Hello?” I'm always weary not to start off a phone conversation by giving my name away, helps to keep the crazed fans out of my hair.

“Hi, this is Craig Helm. I was just calling to enquire about that position you posted for. The assistant to Aaron Schaffer one. I'm a huge fan of his work, and- and yours too Miss Greene. I was wondering if I could drop my resume off and get an interview at some point.”

“Oh! We'll get back to you. Thanks for calling. Bye!” I won't be getting back to him. I'm looking for someone hot to be his assistant. The girl of his dreams. I saw a psychic and she told me that other people's happiness will be a blessing. I'm pretty sure that means I have to get Aaron a girlfriend.

In my room, I lay with my laptop on my legs. The computer background is a picture of yours truly at an awards ceremony. What can I say, the people love to reward my distinguished work. Obviously. I open up a tab to my e-mail and see that it's flooded with people wanting to be Aaron's assistant.

“Okay, let's see. Ew. Delete. Delete. Del- ooh he's hot, I think I'll remember that number.” Aaliyah focus. “Delete. Delete.” This process carried on for quite some time. All the contestants were merely mediocre looking.

“Ladies and gentleman, we have a winner! Eep!” She is so pretty. Like not me pretty of course, but gorgeous nonetheless. I presume she's Swedish. Elsa Gynning appears to be her name. Let's see, she's a former model. That's always good. Blonde hair, blue eyes, fair skin, and it says here that she is “Motivated. Achievement Driven. Resourceful.”. I guess it's time to e-mail her back saying I'd like to interview her. It'll mostly just be to make sure she doesn't snort when she laughs or have an annoying voice. Important details like that. Ooh, this is exciting!

The End

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