My whole world shattered around me when I opened the bedroom door to see Tom laid there surrounded by a pool of his own blood, a bloody wound where the bullet had penetrated his skull, letting his life’s blood drip out. I wanted to scream but nothing would come out of my mouth instead tears blurred my vision and I dropped to my knees by his side and cried.
I pulled him onto my lap and held him close, I could still smell him, the sweet scent of Tom, I breathed it in and it made me sob harder as I realised I was never going to hear his voice again and that he was never going to hold me close again.
I got shakily to my feet and turned to face Rhea whose eyes glistened with unshed tears and her shoulders were shaking slightly. She was holding what looked like a letter in her hand and I peered over her shoulder to read it. It was a letter from Tom, explaining why he killed himself.
More tears tricked down my face as I read on, then my eyes fell on one particular sentence, a sentence which made my heart break into a million pieces.
I've been cheating on you. With Rhea.
I shook my head in disbelief looking at Rhea willing her to tell me it wasn’t true but she didn’t, tears streamed down her face and she sobbed “I’m sorry.”
Anger bubbled up inside me and I wasn’t going to ignore it, not this time. “You’re sorry” I murmured through clenched teeth, “You’re bloody sorry, is that all you can say!” I snarled at her.
“I am really sorry Chrissy, I never meant for it to get so out of hand” she sobbed back, putting her hands to her face.
“Never meant to let it get out of hand, never meant to, well the fact is that it did get out of hand and that Toms dead and it’s all your fault!” I shouted at her, pressing my face right up against hers. I then fled the room, not daring to look back, I couldn’t bear it.
I jumped into my car and sped away, heading home as fast as I could, tears streaming down my face, how could Tom be gone, he promised me he would be with me every step of the way, that’s why I had decided to keep the baby, and now he was gone.
Every part of me ached, every part of me yearned for Tom but knowing that he would never come back. I lay on my bed wishing that any second, I would wake up and it would all be just a dream but I knew it wasn’t.
In some ways I hated Tom for leaving me, hated him for cheating on me with someone who was meant to be my friend. In my head, distorted thoughts were telling me that it’s what he deserved, but more rational ones told me that he loved me and it were other things that drove him to killing himself. Maybe he just wanted to be with his sister Aaliyah?
I placed my hand across my stomach, across the baby that was growing inside me.
The last living part of Thomas Parker.