Chrissy is going to have the baby.
What a relief?
I'm not sure why that was a question. I guess I'm just in shock that she wouldn't tell me before...well, trying to go through with it. I suppose I don't know anyone like I thought I did. Elijah didn't tell me, Rhea didn't tell me, Isobel didn't tell me, nobody told me. It's like I don't have any friends.
Ha, but who am I to point fingers? I was cheating on Chrissy. I was using two different girls for sex, and felt nothing throughout it. I said it felt good, but that was a lie. I was numb to it. I just felt as if I had to do it because I had something to prove. But I don't. My life is worthless.
I walk into my room and fall onto my bed. My eyes fall on my cupboard.
When I was a kid, my dad always took me to shooting ranges. Showed me what it was like to fire a powerful gun, some of them illegal in the US. But, uhh, that didn't matter to him. Didn't matter much to me anyway.
Eventually, he gave me my own gun. A Desert Eagle. Not an L85, sure, but it was still a precious piece of me. But, umm, I'm a different person now. A much more...corrupt person. I can't even control my own thoughts anymore. But at the moment I have clarity. I need to act now.
I stand up and open the cupboard. I snatch the Desert Eagle from the top shelf. I sit down back on my bed and lower the gun. "Oh, come on," I muttered as I loaded it with shells that sat on the middle shelf.
I cock the gun.
I put the barrel to my temple. I take a deep breath as I tighten my hold on the trigger.
But what about the baby?
The gun drops to my lap.
Chrissy can't take care of the baby alone. I have to stay alive. Not for her, she doesn't need me (even if she thinks she does), but for the child. After its old enough, I'm gone.
I stand and put the gun on the shelf. I close the cupboard and start to crawl into bed.
One day maybe. But not today.
I can't stay alive. I can't bear the pain.
I stand up and fling open the cupboard. I snatch the gun and put it to my head once more.
I walk over to my desk and pull out a paper and pen.
I begin to write:
Umm...I can't imagine how you feel right now. You must feel sad, but at the same time, slightly relieved. You don't have to admit it, but, deep down you know it's true. You're glad that I'm dead. Now all the drama has stopped, right? Haha. Well, glad you can live in peace.
I guess I should explain why I'm doing this. Why I'm...ending my life...
Well, it's simple. I've changed. Not for the better, but for the worst. I guess I should start with you, Chrissy.
You can't imagine how hard it is to write this, but, uhh...I've been cheating on you. With Rhea, and...I'll be honest, it was because I felt like something was wrong. Like you weren't telling me something. But that's not a good enough reason. At all. You have every right to hate me, and you should. Now that I'm dead I guess it doesn't matter. And Chrissy, it had nothing to do with you. I mean, I love you. I really, really do. But, something about me has changed. I can't explain it. But...ever since my sister died. I..lost a part of myself. Of my humanity. Now, I'm a demon. And, I needed to slay the beast before it took over my mind completely. My point is, Chrissy, that you are going to make a guy veryhappy one day. One day you're going to meet a guy who's going to sweep you off your feet. But, it won't be me. You aren't going to meet a guy who looks just like me. Just move on, look for someone else. Someone...cleaner.
Mom, dad, I love you. You know that. But, writing you a message apologizing for all I've done would be incredibly tedious and...well...you don't care. You hate me. Even if you love me, you also hate me, and feel me responsible for Aaliyah's death. Please don't think that I don't know how you feel about me, because I do. You love me, but, deep down you hate me too. And, I don't care. Well, I do, but, that's not why I'm doing this...I love you guys.
Rhea, I love you too. As a best friend though, and I'm sorry for...everything. I'm really, truly sorry. I should never have given in. It's my fault, not yours. Maybe the whole time I was seducing you, but neither of us knew it. I hope you still think of me as a good friend.
And, Elijah, Isobel, even if you guys kept something important from me, I still love you guys. Thanks for everything, and keep Chrissy and Tommy safe.
And...Tommy. I can't tell you how sorry I am that I can't be there for you. Trust me, I wish I could be. But listen. When you get older, kids will tell you that I killed myself to escape from you. That's not true. I love you, even though I've never met you. Not becauseI haven't met you, despite that. But here's the most important part, never lose sight of yourself. I have, and that's why I have to do this. I've become a monster. Never allow yourself to become like me. I hope you think fondly of me, you know, before I became...me.
I love you all dearly, and I'm sorry for doing this to you.
I read it over about a million times before slamming it on the desk, tears streaming down my cheeks. I grab the gun and swing it to my head.
I pull the trigger.
A bullet blasts through my skull, penetrates my brain, then fires out the other side. Darkness starts to fall over me as my body falls to the floor.
Now, the monster known as Thomas Parker, also known as me, is dead.