A quite small summary of a day at work.
Based on a true story.
Sad, isn't it?
PS: This is the first English-work of Alain. So please, don't hate on him because he makes mistakes. (Speaking of which, can you tell Alain concerning those mistakes? That would be neat. Alain thanks you.)
He had a dead-trout look on his face, and that made him look funny. Funnier than usual in fact.
“She doesn’t underrrstand, this miss!”
“Just a second.”
I had my french fries in one hand, my grapefruit in the other. I actually forgot my third hand on the table, back to the Desk, the other building on the left.
“Sooooo!” said I after a little while, where I was busy trying to put down my future stomach-filling. “Hello!”
“Y comprend rien, là, pis moi non plus, asti que c’est con, là, j’veux m’en aller, asti, j’suis tannée, là y comprend rien pentoute, pentoute.”
(Meaning: That guy doesn't understand a S... outta this! I don't either! Motherf... stupid damned shit, let me go home, motherf... I'm sick of it, now he understands nothing, nothing, nothing.)
Well, well. What a surprising statement.
“As I see, there are 6 of you: 2 Regulars, 2 children and 2 extra kids?”
“How old are the kids” said I without letting him time to explain himself.
Oh, and this sentence is my most hated tongue twister. I could either talk with a dead monkey between the teeth and the result would be just the same.
“They are, uh, six, ten, seventeen and one.”
The statement sounded more like: “Thééi arrrre, uh, siiixx, tèène, sèveuntiinne ainde ouane.” The guy talked funny, looked funny, in another life he surely was a clown.
“All right, so here’s the deal. With the 2 regulars and 2 children, we’ll make one family pack; the one year old kid is free, but the seventeen kid cannot have the kid-price, so I’ll charge him as a regular. Altogether, it makes 173,20$.”
“Impossibelll, misss! I went herrrrre last yearrrr and it was cheaperrrrr than this! It was 89.00 forrrrr the famély pack!”
This is where I came to think that sound pollution is REALLY a problem. Without the buzzing and annoying sound of people talking together or to the cashier, I would have heard what he had said. Only I haven’t. I might be a case of early deaf, but that needs to be proven.
I continued to try to explain the guy that it was the cheapest I could do, and that -no, you will receive 5 bracelets only, because the one year old child doesn’t need one for he’s free. Perhaps I hadn’t made myself clear in some mysterious ways. Perhaps I was perfectly clear and he had a trout brain. No offense.
Want to know what happened? The girl left -she had been replaced, anyways- without even thank me. (Yes I know the offense is not significant, but my natural feeling of hate for that girl is unexplainable.) I understood that the guy came to the Park last year in October (that was when I pictured myself beating his *** off in a total serenity mood), he seemed like understanding that he was not right -even though he looked everything but understanding what I had spoken- (that was when I just wanted to lay down on the dirty ground and become the designated fly-landing trail- and he finally paid what he owed me -sorry, what he owed the Park- and went away, after asking me AGAIN another bracelet for the one year old kid -that was when I figured out that running across the parking lot up to my car was doable in 30 seconds or so-, and he FINALLY went away.
Then, I went back to my cash register, and started to greet the clients.
Perhaps I spoke chinese. Or frallesglais. (exactly.)
For he came back, asking me AGAIN for a sixth bracelet.
That was when I pictured me yelling at him and insulting his gran-grandmother. But I smiled and explained the thing all over again.
That was when I missed my youth, picturing my playing in the sand with Tonkas, and the only thing I used to be explaining was how to make a great -the greatest- sandcastle EVAR.
[PS: Alain apologizes for the mistakes.]