I Know Who I Am Indeed

Anonymous note writer, who I won’t grace with a ‘dear’ because you haven’t earned it yet and in fact are going backwards from the goal.

I wouldn’t recommend threatening folks you haven’t given the effort to go and take a look at or have a decent conversation with. It isn’t wise and in fact it smacks of a complete and utter lack of common sense. The ‘something heavy’ you haven’t bothered to look at is in fact one of the many animals in my care, a rock tortoise in fact, and his feelings are very hurt by your description of him.

It is difficult enough to have to live with three two-headed parrots, (six times the chatter and in six as many langagues), seven salamanders who all require a nice hearty portion of the hearth each, a talking cat who thankfully keeps out of the way and a rock tortoise (who is in exile from his home in Cal-Garnath) without poorly-written cowardly notes complaining about the quietest amongst them.  The tortoise is the one camped in front of your door at night because he can’t stand all the noise and heat in my apartment and frankly I would go and sit in front of your door with him 24/7 if I didn’t have to tend the fire.

You will find next time that all you have to do is be polite to such a majestic creature and he will be more than glad to move his considerable weight to a more convenient locale. Pushing and shoving will just make him dig in his rock-feet.

I won’t bother hiding my name from you because there’s no mistaking the parrot-racket in my room anyway.

Yours not-very-pleasurably,
Anna San-Sierne, Keeper of Co-Dependent and Elderly Exiles

The End

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