Mr. Kalhin, or M. Kalhin, or perhaps even a Ms. because I have yet to figure out your blasted human naming systems:

I am very flattered by the politeness of your letter and I do apologize to your talented flatmate, whom I have not wished to disturb with any wandering fumes and to whom I am very grateful for relegating her displeasure to a letter instead of rapping on my floor or walls with a broomstick. Especially the person or persons living below me takes great delight in doing so. Had they been the author of this letter I might have just eaten it on the spot.

However I feel the need to correct you on your assumption about both my habits and my profession; I am no alchemist, nor am I interested in the medicines and tinctures of human folk. Indeed I fear our only similarities may be in our dislike of the social spheres, though I suspect our dislikes are harbored for very different reasons.

The smell of sulphur which you (and unfortunately others) have detected is naturally occurring, I’m afraid, and try as I might to stop up my door-cracks with tea towels and the like it seems to have a mischief for getting out-of-bounds.  You see it is so very difficult for a dragon, even a small one such as myself, to get on without giving off a good bit of it. I know there are strict regulations for dragon-folk when living in such close quarters but lately my stove has been having difficulty in lighting and I have resorted to giving it, well, some much needed assistance.

 You may find this letter a little late in coming as I find it both difficult to keep my spectacles perched on my nose and also the little thumbtacks on your clever bulletin board do me some trouble. I am afraid I’ve kept a good deal of them, as they are such a shiny sort of brass and I do have a fondness for small bits of it.

 If you and your flatmate would not object to the smell (which I would be glad to lessen by doing without the stove for a few days), you are more than welcome to pay me a visit and partake in some meal or another. I would love to hear about the city, as I come from quite the other direction and have not had that much time to acclimate to the area. 

Yours truly (and dreadfully sorry about the smell),
Twill Harbaroc.

 P.S. I have not seen the cat, but I doubt he would have much to do with me. Cats and dragons do not often get on, as Cats have no use of names and dragons over-much so. You ought to come up with a witty reply and see if that shuts him up a bit, though it might just make him louder. It’s hard to tell with Cats.

The End

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