Letters to Ella-day 17

dearest Ella, 

today's letter will have to be much shorter than usual because while I was away my class was assigned a paragraph assignment and I have to write three rough drafts for it. I'm arguing that fiction writing is important. We're only allowed two points so I guess it shouldn't be too hard but at the same time the point I'm making won't be too strong because of it. Oh well, at least my teacher now ignores me completely (thanks to Liz who apparently said something to him asking him to be a little nicer to me) so english class is less like hell.

In civics today I found a red sharpie marker, one of the ones with a fine tip. I have to say that by the end of that class my arms and hands were covered with ink and but it only provided a very temporary relief from wanting to cut. All it really did was scare a few preppy girls and I think miss might have noticed in the hall...I really hope not on that second one. I sorta lied to Elizabeth and almost got away with cutting. Well I would have if it had worked, all it did was make an angry red slash mark. Also, I had a pencil sharpener and a means to get the blade out up my sleeve (no pun intended) but I went to tie my shoe and it fell out in front of Liz- needless to say I no longer have either in my possession. It's a bit of a shame because the means of getting the blade out was a gift from Kyle (he gave me this little metal bookmark from his trip, it's very pretty) and Liz forgot to give it back. 

Other that I've been missing you like heck and still don't believe that I'm worth you missing me as well. I keep repeating the word 'friday' in my head over and over, trying to make the time until then seem as short as possible. I screwed up the tea this morning because of the yelling but I drank it anyways, it's actually not bad cold. 

Don't feel bad about me being depressed, it's alright. I'll be alright...I hope. It's not your fault though, it's all mine. I'm wishing for the same things that you're wishing for. I've learned that my wishes never come true though. 

I miss you so much 

all my love (and heart and soul)


The End

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