never need

People always ask

what is the worst that could happen

and so I play the game called if.

If I tell you my truth,

you could break up with me.

But the truth is, that is not the worst

because if you were to break up with me,

I would cry.

I would hurt.

I would wander through the rest of summer lost and empty

but then I would fly

and begin my new life.

The likelihood is

you will forgive me

but never trust me

and because of that

I will not forgive me

and we'll have a lovely summer

but lose the chance of ever being

anything more

as if we ever could have been

and when I leave I'll forever carry that regret in my back pocket.

I could have kept you

but all because of a mistake.

Because the truth is

I kissed a boy

he didn't kiss me

and alcohol is an excuse

not a reason.

The truth is

I don't love you.

I loved the boy that loved me

that made me first

that called me every night

and emailed me every morning

that protected me

that wanted me

beyond lusting for my body

the boy who wrote songs for me

and wrapped me in blankets when I shivered

and saved apple stickers on the back of his phone

you aren't that boy anymore

the same way I'm not that girl

because I was once able to talk to you about everything

and now I feel I can't say anything

these words you'll never read.

My heart, you'll never need. 

The End

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