"Alice, have you see Rainer?" I asked her as I came down the stairs from the floor Rainer's apartment was on. She looked at me and smiled almost knowingly. Gabriel gurled in her arms. I looked at the baby. I could be having one of my own soon. The thought was terrifying.
"I think I saw him downstairs in the kitchen with Natch and Grovesnor" she told me. I nodded then headed down the stairs. I walked towards the kitchen hearing familiar voices as I approached.
My body automatically hesitated by the door. I know I was with Rainer and all that but when I saw them all together I still felt uncomfortable. I placed my hands on the door and was about to open it when, "guess who got lucky?"
"About time" Grovesnor laughs to Rainer's words "Natch, you're losing it"
"Last time I checked, Grovesnor, there's no more single ladies" Natch replied.
"What about that Rae chick?"
"Nah, Colligan's got her well and truly under his thumb"
I turn and ran off bumping into Colligan by the stairs. "Hey, Kat" he smiled while all I could do was stare at him in distress. "What's wrong?"
"I..." I started when suddenly a wave of nausea came over me. "I think I'm gonna be sick" Colligan steered me quickly to a toilet where everything in my stomach came up. He repeated his earlier question which I quickly put down to bad food even though it was a lie. Really I'd been getting sick quite a bit recently. Pet had been questioning me about it when I woke up in the earlier hours to throw up.
"Sure? No one else is ill, and we've all eaten the same"
"Yes. Leave it alone, Colligan!" I snap feeling anger boil in my veins. I was getting so angry all the time. Even at Pet and I felt horrible for that.
"Sorry for asking" Colligan grumbled before leaving. I let him leave and made sure I wasn't going to throw anymore up before I got up and headed out myself. I was walking along and guess who else I bump into.
"Nice to see you, Kat" Natch says perfectly polite but all I can do is glare and him. I can't at all be bothered to be nice today. "You got a problem with me? 'Cause if you do, I'd rather we talked it out than glare at each other"
Instead of starting a pointless shouting match I walked off guessing that Rainer was now in his room which he was. "Lucky?!" I snapped at him even though I saw him puzzling over something. He looked up at me but I was already continuing, "No. No. Don't bother coming and asking me if I mind you telling people!"
Was he really going to act like he didn't know what I was on about? I probably should have tried to calm down but my anger swarmed through me rapidly and squished that thought. "I don't care their your friends didn't you bother thinking I might not want you to go around telling them that 'you got lucky'?"
"Maybe I got fed up of sneaking around like us being together is some dirty little secret"
The truth of his words made me flinch and then look down guilty. "I love you. Isn't that enough?"
"You love me so much that if anyone asks you deny it?"
"I don't deny. I just wont confirm it either"
"That's basically the same thing, Kat. Are you ashamed of me or something?"
"No.... It's just Pet.... I can't...." I struggle to get the words out.
"What about Pet?"
"She doesnt like you and I can't put her second. Being officially with you would do that" I confess. Everything's just been rolling out. Is that what happens in real relationships? Keeping things secret till its serious?
"So you think she'd rather you crept around like a prostitute?" he says making me feel like he's slapped me. Him bringing Pet into it though stirs my stomach round like some things he's saying are true. He just looks straight at me burrowing through my eyes into the depths of my soul.
"I'm not.... Its not..... Why would you put it like that?" I finally finish with that unable to come to any other conclusion.
"Because it's exactly the same. You come to me for sex and affection, that's it. The only difference is I don't pay you" he says and my eyes fall to the floor as my heart aches.
"Please don't think like that" I whisper.
"Then stop hiding"
"You are" he replies but I shake my head. I'm not hiding nor am I putting on a show. That's how a see relationships. Having to scream at the world that someone is yours so they will look. "You are, and you know it" he continues and again I shake my head. "So tell someone" I wince in reply.
"It's not their business"
"Okay, so let's pretend you keep LT's kid, but you never say anything about us. What're you gonna say, you shacked up with a zombie?"
"You said you'd lie it was yours" I frown at him wondering why of all the things he had to bring that into it.
"So I did, but if nothing ever happened between us, then how could it be?" he said causing me to curse. Why was he having to make this so complex? He just kept looking at me so eventually I gave in. Well, in a way at least. I walked up and grabbed his hand before pulling him out the apartment into the hallway. I then kissed him my mouth soft on his and I firmly pushed other peoples presence away as much as possible. "Happy? Cause thats the best you're getting"
"It's better than nothing" he says and I kiss him again.
"But no using the words 'got lucky'. Its weird" I tell him.
"What would rather I said?" he chuckles.
"Nothing really but I'm not a prize or anything"
"I wouldn't say that" he says and I tilt my head in question a little confused. "A prize is the best thing, right? I'd say you're the best thing here" he says making my cheeks go a bit pink to which he smiled at. I hide my head away burying it against his neck in my embarrassment.
His arms looped around me and I felt warmth buzz through me. "I love you" I whispered.
"I love you too"
"How much?" I tease slipping out of his arms and skipping back.
"Do you love me?" I laughed. "Prove it"
"How?" he asked confused and I couldn't help but shake my head at him cause really? He couldn't get that?
"Gosh and I thought I was dumb about this stuff"
"Can't say I've had to prove it before" he tells me with a shrug.
"Dumb. Dumb. Dumb" I tease him. "C'mon its obvious" I laugh. When he still doesn't get it I frown at him.
"Doesn't matter. I'm not in the mood for it anymore anyway" I say grumpy. He frowns at me but I ignore it. "I'm hungry"
"It'll be dinner time soon"
I sigh at him for not understanding I want a reason to spend more time with him. "I'll see you later then" I say to him and leave heading upstairs. How could he have not got it?
I was woken up in the middle of the night not by zombies for once but a weight on the bed taking Pet's old spot. You see we had found Pet a bed so she had made her own make shift room in the living room for privacy. I rubbed my eyes jut seeing the familiar figure. "Rainer... what are you doing here?"
"I wanted to see you" he said to me and looped his arms round my waist.
"Thats not what I gave you the emergency key for" I scolded him knowing that was the only way he could have gotten in.
"Y'know, it's still real naughty that you lock the door"
"Why?" I yawned feeling way to sleeping to maybe find the naughty bit a little flirty.
"You're not supposed to. That rule's been around since LT found the place, or so I'm told"
"I don't listen to rules I don't like"
"Even if its for your own safety?" he questioned making me roll my eyes. Keeping the door looked was more safe than keeping it open. "I'm serious. Say there's a fire, you're out cold, the door's locked and Pet can't find the key. What happens then?"
"Rainer, I'm tired. What do you want?"
"Like I said, I wanted to see you"
"And that couldn't have waited till morning?"
"Why?" I complained cause really just wanting to see me could have waited.
"I thought about what you said earlier" he says and I wait for him to continue. My mind wandering off to think about how nice it would be to sleep. "You wanted me to chase you, right?" he got right and I nodded cause I was too tired right now to bother remembering about it. "I don't get how that proves anything"
"Really? You woke me up cause I was messing around with you?"
"I'm trying to understand"
"I'm going to sleep" I say and roll over putting my back to him. Rainer doesn't leave but strangely with his arms looped around my waist I'm able to sleep better.