I stared down at the stick clutched in my hands. Two months. It had taken me two months to finally notice their was something wrong. Pet knocked on the bathroom door making me jump and drop the object in my hand. "Kat!" she complained as I leant down to pick the stick back up. "I need the bathroom"
"Go use someone elses!" I yelled back. I heard the door shut a moment later and threw the object hard at the floor. I sunk down burying my face in my hands. A sob left my lips. I couldn't be pregnant. I couldn't.
If I was there was only one person that could possibly be the father. I hug my stomach feeling sobs rack my body. I had found someone though. So had Colligan.... oh my god Rae. I couldn't do this to everyone I couldn't. I never thought one tiny slip up would result in something like this. Keeping secret would all make it worse when people started finding out. Someone knocked on the door. It wouldn't be Pet. I'd told her to use another bathroom and knowing her she would have begun also to socialize.
"Go away" I said to whoever was on the otherside of the door.
"What's wrong?" said Rainer and my whole body tensed. Oh god, no I couldn't face him now everything would come blathering out and ruin what we'd built. Also... I glanced at the four tests all positive lying on the floor and felt a fresh wave a tears.
"Rainer.." I choked out to him. "Go away"
"Please, babe, let me in"
"No" I said firmly burying my face in my legs.
"Just go away!" I flipped out starting to panic feeling tons of tears just pour down my face like a waterfall. What had I done? Why had I been so stupid?
A long moment of awkward silence passed. I knew Rainer was still waiting outside the door. "I can wait here all day, Kat" he said after a while. I didn't answer him. I couldn't I had no right to. No right to be happy anymore when I bore a child that would create misery inside me.
It was a couple seconds later when I heard the lock getting pick. "Rainer!" I said shocked and scrambled to my feet to battle with him about whether the door should open or close. Eventually I lost and he stepped in closing the door behind him. The tests were on view to him and his eyes fell on them.
"What's that for?" he asked me making me feel like I'd been slapped. I couldn't look at him or even find words. My heart hurt horrible as if it was crushing in on itself. "Kat?"
I clenched my fists as tears once again filled my eyes. He walked over to me and I flinched away from him. I couldn't let him touch me. I didn't deserve it. He frowned at me and finally my mouth found words. "It's Colligan's..... I slept with Colligan two months ago"
"Excuse me?" he questioned but I couldn't stop the tears now. I burst out crying feeling my body shake with the sobs and flow of more tears feeling my eyes starting to tire from all the crying.
He moved towards me as to give a hug but I flinched back. "No. No. You should hate me. Hit me or yell at me but not a hug" I spoke truly believing every word.
"Why it's not your fault?"
"Then who's is it?" I asked peering up at him.
"Don't blame Colligan. He saved my life. He's a good man"
"A good man? A good man wouldn't sleep with a girl, then move onto another one"
"He was drunk. I was drunk" I say feeling an anger start to boil in me. How could he hate Colligan so much. "Would you have rather he kept me?"
"I'd rather he hadn't in the first place"
"You can't tell him. I'm going to get rid of it. There is no point causing grief to others" I say l looking down feeling a little numb as I talk about getting rid of an innocent child growing within me. There was a strong fear that made me need to though. "I don't want you to leave me"
"I wouldn't leave you"
"Even with someone else's kid?" I ask with a nod. "So... I could keep it and you would stay with me....." He nodded again. "Would you lie it was yours?" I pushed.
"If you wanted me to" he replied. I bit my lip looking down. "Would you want me to?" I thought about it as I put my hands on my stomach gently. Rainer put his hands over mine.
"If I kept it I would" I told him. "But a secret for now"
"My lips are sealed" he said and I threw myself into his arm. Wanting his arms to squeeze away the pain and fear. He held be back numbing away the pain so I took the chance to kiss him.
I really had a huge decision.