I was in Rainers apartment. Which had become a common thing in the past 3 weeks and 4 days. We currently were on his bed which was familiar under me. My breathing was heavy and I felt more than a little dizzy. My clothes were somewhere of to the left but I wasn't really trying to find them. Rainer was peering down at me with very intense eyes that turned me to jelly.
"Rainer" I finally said as my words came out more as a gasp. "I-I-I have to get back to Pet. She's gonna wonder where I'm gone"
"She's probably with Rae" he said softly.
"Yes but..." I began unable to stop my cheeks from heating up.
His hand passed softly over my cheek creating a searing heat which didn't help my blush at all. "She'll be fine"
"I'm not ready" I couldn't stop the words. They always came when we got here which had happened a couple of times now and every time the same words.
"I won't force you, you know that" he said which just stirred the guilt in my stomach. I always felt guilty but I wasn't ready. We'd barely gotten to third base without me freaking out. I looked off guilty. The insecurities had started to form in me. The little part of me that said I wasn't good enough for him. That I didn't deserve him and he shouldn't be told over and over again that it wasn't going any further.
His lips brushed my cheek drawing back my attention. "I'm sorry" I told him as I looked up into his eyes.
"You've got nothing to be sorry for, babe"
Having that silly little word put to me by him made my heart jump and my breath turn shaky. It was stupid but I blushed all the same. "I feel awkward lying here now" I mumbled meaning our lack of clothes. I wanted to put mine on hiding my body which was athletically toned which I felt could be unappealing in the sense it wasn't really sexy.
"We can always do something else.. if you catch my drift"
My cheeks lit up like Christmas decorations."Rainer" I say embarrassed with a little moan to my voice as I speak. "Don't put it like that"
"Why not?" he says chuckling low and deep. He sent tingles through my body but I quickly shrugged it off.
"It makes me embarrassed"
"There's nothing to be embarrassed about" he said to me which didn't really help. I looked off not able to take his deep gaze. His hand stroke my cheek and this time I kissed the palm of his hand. He smiled at me and wanting to move passed the awkwardness I took it a step further and kissed him.
His hand ran up my body in the way he knew I like. He left a love bite on my shoulder before scattering more kisses. His had slid down to my thighs rubbing them as his lips again met mine. He brought out the common little whimper moans that had sort of become my way of showing I was liking it.
In doing so he took it further his hand sliding between my legs. I gasped having to pull back for air. Shows that one kiss can start a huge adventure it seems. Eventually things calmed down and I was resting against him. My arms were around him and his around me.
"I love you, y'know that?"
My whole body tensed. My heart thudded painfully and my throat tightened. "What..." I barely got the word out. I wanted to believe I misheard it but I hadn't. I knew I hadn't.
"Uh, nothing" he said but I quickly sat up on the edge of the bed putting my back to him. "Forget I said anything"
I couldn't though. How could I forget that? I grabbed my clothes yanking the on feeling panic starting to grab at me. "I'll see you later for the raid" I said to him but found my voice empty lacking the emotion it usually had of not wanting to leave. After I just walked straight out.
I felt numb like I wasn't in tune with my body. "You okay?" Pet asked when I got back.
"Fine. Completely fine" I lied. She knew about Rainer even though we didn't talk about it. I knew she didn't like him and thought he wasn't right for me. Maybe he wasn't. I mean he just said the L-word and I was out there like the wind. I went to the bedroom and lied down staring at the ceiling.
When I headed down to the raid group later it was more than awkward. I couldn't look at him. I didn't know what to feel when I did which left me hurt. I should know how I feel right. When we were sat in the hummer he sighed and for some reason I winced cause I knew that sigh was because of how I was acting.
"Kat, about earlier"
"Don't" my voice rushed out. I really couldn't talk about it.
"You're just gonna pretend it never happened?"
"Leave it alone, Rainer"
He sighed and actually dropped it. When we got to the shop instantly I split off from him. I couldn't be near him but even away from him my mind swam constantly repeating what he had said over and over. I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn't see the zombie till it jumped me.
Me and the lump of meat fell to the floor and I couldn't reach my gun cause I was too busy keeping it away from my throat. So I did the only thing I could which was scream my voice piercing out. The zombie made a stronger effort to get at my throat but suddenly wasn't yanked off me. I rolled away just hearing a gun go off.
I got up feeling my limbs shaking. It felt... so horrible to be caught off guard. "Are you okay?" Rainer asked me. I turned my eyes to him and melted pressing my lips and self to him.
He kissed back and found what I'd been looking for. That deep little pocket in the center of my heart full of a warm fuzzy emotion that must be love. What else could it be? So I pulled back and looked at Rainer.
"I love you too" I whisper finally having given him an answer to his declaration of feeling earlier. Damn it felt could. My heart just got warm and everything cleared.
"You sure pick the right timing" he laughs at me. I ignore that and kiss him stirring the feeling in me over and over creating the butterflies people always talked about but I didn't understand. After a while he pulled back though. "Wait, did you get bit?"
I shake my head. "You can check every inch of me later" I try to flirt but it comes out so awkward that it just fails. I never should have even bothered.
Rainer chuckled. "I look forward to it" he says and embarrassed I bury my head in his chest.