Look Away - Katrina LowMature

Three days passed before I was set to go on another raid. "Can I go stay with Rae while you're out?" Pet asked brightly as I strapped on my gear.

I opened myself to say no then hesitated. Having Pet not alone when I was going out would mean I wouldn't have to worry about her as much. Rae had started to learn how to be a basic shot so if something happened. Well, Rae could protect her in some ways where as Pet didn't have a gun never mind knew how to shoot one. 

"Okay" I said and Pet started to look excited. "Only" I warned. "If you still do exactly what I told you if.. if something gets in"

Pet nodded touching the dagger I'd given her. "Go to the cupboard and don't open it for no one but you" she said quietly. "Unless you don't come for me within a day"

I nodded. I had to take precautions and both me and Pet had set this up. "What happens if you can't get to the cupboard?"

"Hide in the safest space I can get to" she said taking it very seriously. She may be nine but she knew what was happening. Pet had told me many stories of herself. How her parents had been so proud when she won her first spelling bee then how'd she'd gone on to win ten more. 

I held out my hand to her and she took it. I walked slowly up to Rae's my mind trying to wiggle its way out of doing this but I didn't want Pet to be alone. I never wanted that but it happened and now... now she found someone who didn't mind looking after who I also felt I could trust. When we got to her door I knocked lightly. Pet bounded into the room before Rae even got to it.

"Rae!" she sang in her light little voice.

"Hey" Rae replied to her with a smile.

"I'm staying with you while Kat goes on a raid"

"If its not a trouble to you" I quickly added.

"No trouble at all. It's nice to have an extra pair of hands"

Pet turned to grin at me. "Thanks... I haven't felt like I could trust anyone before" I explained. 

"I feel like there was a compliment in there somewhere" Rae chuckled.

"She's not very good at them" Pet giggles. Thanks a lot, Pet, I thought to myself. I knew I wasn't the most sociable person but still!

"Well... I'll be.... off" I said hesitating as worrying rolled through me. Could I really leave her here? Would she really be safe? I could tell all my worry was all over my face.

"She'll be fine, Kat"

Strangely Rae's words were reassuring. Whenever someone else said it I flipped out starting to panic. "I...I know. I'll be back later" I said then left hearing Pet start chattering away to Rae.

I was still worrying about her as I head down the stairs. So much that I bumped straight into the person I'd been trying to avoid. "Kat" his voice said touching that old part of me that had given into him. Well, it wasn't that old.

"Rainer" I whispered and felt my cheeks heat up. Why couldn't I stay calm around him? I didn't want to flush. I didn't even feel the need to yet I did.

A smile spread across his face. "Still distracting you?" he said and I looked away cause yes he was. He'd been on my mind all week. I hadn't got him out.  "Heard you're on a raid today" to which I nodded. "You be careful, okay?"

I flushed which he found amusing. "I best get going" I whispered.

"Wait" he said and I looked up at him. "I wanted to talk about what happened the other day" I winced cause honestly the way he said it made me feel guilty. I had been avoiding him since then. "You can't keep avoiding it"

"Yes I can" I told him then to try and prove my point I tried to head down the stairs. He got in my way though.

"Kat, please" he almost begged. I wouldn't look at him though. His hand came out and stroked my cheek. I didn't stop him. I knew I should but I didn't. "I want you, Kat" the words made me wince.

Want... that could mean anything. He could want my body. My will. He stroked my cheek again and I couldn't help but look at him. He smiled as I did so I quickly looked down.

I didn't know what to do. I couldn't think of how to act. My mind was blank except for how he'd made me feel but also how he was a danger. "Can we at least try? Worst comes to the worst, it'll just make meal times a little awkward"

"Try what?"

"Us" 

The words hit me again and I only just managed a weak "No" in reply.

"I think we both know that's not what you want" he said and I tried to pull away. I couldn't handle this. I had enough on my plate. Living with a group. Keeping safe. Protecting Pet. I didn't need... boy troubles. Yes, I guess that's what this was. Suddenly though he pulled me back and his mouth came down on mine. I couldn't stop him cause... it felt nice and the part that thought it was terrible was starting to be squished like a tiny bug. "I know you enjoy it, Kat. Why fight it?"

"I..." my voice trailed off cause there were no other words. Rainer just kept looking at me and I had to look down again like some terrified pup. I was scared. I was terrified but for all the wrong reasons. I didn't want to get close to him. I couldn't. An awkward moment passed by as Rainer waited and I did nothing.

"I'm waiting, Kat"

"I don't have anything to say"

"Stop dodging the point" he said which irritated me.

"Maybe I don't want to talk about it!" I found my voice snapping. I didn't want to talk about it. I just wanted to go on the raid so I could get back to Pet.

"Kat, we'd be good for each other" he sighed at me.

"That's what you think" I countered. He then kisses me shocking me that I froze. Why would he try again? He always kept trying. Why couldn't he just give up? He kept kissing me and I just gave in.

I couldn't be bothered to fight anymore. That's when I heard someone heading up the stairs. "Uh... I'll just... I'll give you two some privacy" I heard Colligan say then heard retreating footsteps.

I pulled away instantly and Rainer sighed. A flush touched my cheeks. Gosh, I really couldn't fight him could I?  "Hey, LT, who's in charge of this run?" Rainer said stopping Colligan.

"Me, for once"

"You mind switching Kat out?"

"Uh, sure" Colligan replied his voice thick with the suspicion that was all over his face. I just gaped not sure what to say or do.

"Thanks, LT" Rainer smiled.

"Don't mention it. Need me for anything else?" Colligan asked to which Rainer shook his head.

"But..." the words slipped from my lips. I mean where was my choice in this matter.

"But nothing" Rainer said simply which made me frown. He acted like he controlled me and I was starting to panic again. Colligan left. I could have stopped him but I didn't.

I hesitated a moment before saying, "Why?"

"I wanted you all to myself, for once"

My cheeks heated up. Why did I get so flustered around him? I swear my cheeks barely weren't flushed around him. "But..."

"But?" 

"Nothing" I decided not to argue. I was too tired out to argue. Rainer looked at me with a questioning gaze. "It doesn't matter" I tried to insist.

"Sure. Where were we before our rude interruption?" he said causing me to flush remembering every kiss and not just the last one. Rainer leant in and kissed me causing me to feel like I was melting under his fingers. Losing everything I was by giving into him but I couldn't stop him. "Why don't we go somewhere more private?" he whispered in my ear and I tensed out of fear.

"What?" he questioned and I shook my head.  I won't try anything, if that's what you're worried about" 

It was and him saying that made me relax. I couldn't get that close to him. I'd reacted terribly when I was drunk never mind sober. Rainer took my hand leading me up to his room. The closer we got the more nervous I was. He led us to his sofa where he resumed to kiss me.

I shivered as a tingle went up my spine. It was a odd reaction I have never had before so I wondered if it was a good or bad one. I spent the time I should have done on the raid with Rainer in his room his lips over and over upon mine but nothing else. I couldn't go there.

The End

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