I didn’t understand why I had to take the food up but Natch had just handed me the plate and told me to take it to Rainer cause he missed dinner. I stood now awkwardly outside Rainer’s door. It had been two days since I had gone at that raid and Rainer had followed me upstairs and kissed me. Eventually I knock clutching the plate in my hands tightly. The door swung open.
"I don't remember calling room service" he chuckled at me.
“You missed dinner I explained”
He shrugged. “I’ve been busy” he said to me. I didn’t really care and just held the plate out to him. I wanted to go. I needed to get back to Pet who’d I’d sent back to the apartment when I’d been given the task of delivering Rainer’s dinner. He took the plate from my hands so I turned to leave. “Leaving so soon?”
I stopped looking back at him. “Pet’s waiting” I explained.
“I’m sure she can spare you for five minutes” Rainer said convincingly which made me turn to face him. Made me stop leaving. I had been scratching my hand a lot more since he had kissed me that night and I was doing it now my nails grating against the skin. “You’ll make yourself bleed”
His disapproval made me stop but why did it matter to me? I never cared what someone thought. I’d never take orders to bring someone dinner after they had missed it. I was starting to worry about Pet again. Why hadn’t I been worrying?
“Much better” he said and strangely I flushed. I didn’t really understand the reaction and neither have one that was any better. Rainer chuckled
“I should get back to Pet” I muttered.
“Or you could stay here with me for a while”
“Pet’s on her own” I whispered. I never liked leaving her on her own. Even when she was saying I should help out leaving her made me worried. What if she got hurt while I was gone? What if something happened and I wasn’t there to protect her?
“She’s hardly on her own, somewhere like this” he said but his words didn’t stop my worrying. “C’mon” he says gesturing I should come into his apartment. Why did I have to go in?
I hesitated still thinking of Pet. How could I not? “But.... Pet....” I muttered.
“Will be fine” he said and I frowned. I didn’t know what to do. I really didn’t. “She’s not a baby, Kat” his voice was stern as he said it. I gave in with a sigh wandering in. The moment I was in thoughts assaulted me of what he could do.
The door closed behind me hitting a terrified part of me but Rainer just walked past me sitting down lazily on the sofa. “I managed to get the TV working”
“Why bother?” I asked him. Surely nothing interesting was on?
“Beats sitting around doing nothing” he said. I stood where I was awkwardly. I wasn’t sure what to do. Rainer gestured at the sofa as he flicked on the TV before starting to eat. I came over and perched on the sofa. I felt so uncomfortable. Why had I come it? “Whoever lived here before liked movies”
“I don’t...” I said trailing off.
“Its lazy” I said. I preferred training. Making sure I was always ready. That’s probably why when the zombies had broken out and I’d watched the gym manager grab out at someone I wasn’t the one in the way being grabbed. I was prepared.
“What do you do for fun then? Snap spines?” he said sarcastically.
“I use to train”
“Training isn’t fun”
“It is for me” I snap turning my eyes on him feeling a little hurt. So I didn’t do what other people did. Everyone was entitled to their own way of life. Their own way of fun.
Rainer chuckled. “You’d get eaten up so fast in the army” he told me making me wince. He turned back to the TV and I almost felt dismissed. That’s another reason I didn’t like it. I got up with the intention to leave. “Going somewhere?” he asked but I ignored him just moving towards the door to leave. His voice turned stern and he said my name.
I stopped. “What?” I questioned.
“Get back here”
It hit me. I always listened when my father had spoken to me like that and no one had since but now. Now as he demanded me to go back I didn’t know what to do. It had been so long. I had tasted what doing what you wanted was like. I turned my head to look at Rainer and just found him waiting.
He had a firm expectation on his face I’d listen. I couldn’t stop my body from walking back over. I felt like a puppet. Rainer smiled. “At least you know how to follow orders” he said which made me clench my fists. “Easy” his voice warned.
I stayed silent just stood there before him feeling like a puppet. It was the same feeling I’d had around my father. I couldn’t help but listen to him. Do as he told me. He demanded respect and he got it.
“Fine. You like training, lets train” he said standing up.
I was a little shocked. “W-What?” I stuttered.
“You heard me. Hand-to-hand. Let’s go”
“But...?” he question. I stepped back bringing my arms ups and crouching my knees getting into a fighting stance. “Ladies first”
“I don’t start fights” I whispered. I didn’t want to do this. I didn’t know why. I loved to train. To fight and practice my skill but... for some strange reason right now I didn’t really want to.
“This isn’t a fight. Not yet anyway”
“No” I whispered. I just couldn’t. I really couldn’t.
“I wasn’t asking, Kat” he said in the way that hit that part of me. I shook my head. Couldn’t he see I just couldn’t? I physically couldn’t for the first time in my life. “Move your ass before I move it for you” I shook my head. “Chicken”
I wince looking down. Why? The thought was repetitive in my head. “What’s the matter, scared you’ll break a nail?”
“Shut up” I said weakly trying to leave. He blocked the exit. I didn’t know what else to do. I swiped his legs out from under him with one firm kick of my leg. I tried to jump by him to leave. I had to leave. I didn’t want to this. Rainer grabbed my bad knee though. I don’t know how he knew but it made me trip.
Soon I felt a knee on my back pinning me down. I didn’t fight cause I hadn’t wanted to in the first place. Keeping me pinned he leant down. “Looks like I win this one” he whispered in my ear. I don’t know when I had started crying but I was.
I never lost. Never gave in. Rainer got off to let me up but I only sat up. I felt cold like I’d given up some part of me. I saw Rainer looking at me but I couldn’t look at him. Why couldn’t I fight?
“Did daddy teach you you’re invincible or something?”
“I said piss off”
“Make me” he said and so I did. I jumped him and with a bit of scrambling I soon had him pinned down with his head in a lock. Rainer merely chuckled and quickly I let him go. As I let go. He kissed me and I froze cause again it was sudden catching me unexpected. “I like a girl who can defend herself” he chuckled while I found my cheeks heating up.
He kissed me again. It was soft and warm. I let him kiss me but still didn’t kiss back. “You never kiss back” Rainer noted.
“I...” I began but trailed off as I blinked. I didn’t know why I didn’t. I... don’t think I knew how.
“I don’t know how” I admitted to him. Kisses were so weird to me. Like something that I thought I would never touch. So therefore... I didn’t understand how they worked.
“How ‘bout I teach you?” he said making me flush. He smirked and hit a part of me that buzzed at the attention. Then there was that part of me that didn’t. That part of me that looked away. Rainer’s hand touched my face turning it back to face him. I was... scared. “Just relax and go with it”
I swallowed still nervous, scared, terrified or however you wanted to put it. He then kissed me again and I went with it like he’d said. I felt things stir in me I hadn’t felt before. “See? That wasn’t so hard” he said and I looked away embarrassed.
I saw him smile in the corner of my eye but didn’t do anything else. I sat still. “Still in a hurry to get back to Pet?” he asked stroking my cheek.
It hit me like a slap in the face. “Oh god, Pet..” I whispered feeling utter guilt. I hadn’t thought about her for this whole time. What kind of guardian was I?
“I’m sure she’s fine” but those words didn’t stop me from trying to leave. Again. This time though Rainer let me leave and I raced back to my apartment.