I had a name. But I can't remember it...in fact I don't really remember much since the Fallout...could that be a blessing in disguise? I know that I had a dream once...but no way to realize that dream --and now since I don't have a job, or have to earn money I'm...happy...is that selfish? To be happy about the condition of the world? Humans have tried to manipulate natural selection too much and have now paid the price...but only the ones who have half a brain, have learned the lesson. Ignorant people will always be ingorant. ...Is my anger and resentment justified at all? Where are all the politicians and all the wealthy people? DEAD, MAIMED, SUFFERING, like the rest of us. Even I am suffering. I'm a true survivor --but I don't want to be. I wasn't suicidal before, am not suicidal now, but I never wanted to see the consequence of human nature. I always knew how ugly it was but why do THEIR actions have to affect me? THEY have always taken my money, taken away any of my benefits --I could never hope to retire with enough money to even live off of, let alone pay off a house or anything useful. Should I feel guilty for being a True Survivor, and a resentful one at that? Should I be "grateful" that I'm still alive? I could ramble forever about life and aliveness but I'd be wasting time.
My town was far enough from the "horrors" of war, but war affects all --one way or another. Soon, even our town couldn't stave off the diseases that ensued and many have died. Some are still alive...and suffering. I think it would be better for them to be dead and not suffering, but again, I'll leave the ramblings for later...even though... who is left over or can SEE that will even read what I say? We're all left over and in order to rebuild, we shouldn't lay blame. Just start over. I had some food stashed in our apartment basement, but that will run out if I stay here one more year. I must move on if I am to survive. But where could I even go? I would steal more food from the deserted stores but once I'd seen that someone had opened a box of cereal --sores appeared on his body and he'd begun coughing up blood. ...But that was a box of cereal, I'm tempted to cook can food...but my butane cooker can't last forever, and I've been using that to boil water from bottled water I'd stolen -rightfully taken -from the stores since rain seldom graces our land. I think that I prefer not having to follow the rules of economic -buying things with money -this is so liberating --is it wrong to feel giddy about the consequence of human folly? This well deserved situation will reflect our true selves, no social mores will stop me from surviving. It doesn't mean I won't want to help a fellow human being, but if I help, I know that something like this will happen again...But I can't think about that -I must leave this town (FINALLY). The world is a sore and I bleed through it.