Memlor the Mestaclocan: between a rock and my arm pitMature

I had had about as much as I could take as I chewed a piece of tomato flavoured gum, the guy across the table was moaning about his life, his minor problems like not having arms and smelling like soggy spinach. I tentatively sniffed at the air, this only added to my annoyance. I slammed my hands on the table, barking at the top of my lungs. "You smell more like soggy cabbage!!"
"I beg your pardon" he exclaimed, the conversation had obviously moved on to something boring and un cabbage related. I felt slightly embarrassed, so to compensate for my earlier 'trip up' I launched the table at him. It seemed to work to the guy didn’t seem to want to get up, or move for that matter. Looking at him curiously I noticed a tuft of hair that was arrogantly big, so drawing a shiny pair of scissors from my pocket I set to work. After a few seconds he was looking much better, all the hair down one side was gone on the top I had platted it and on the other it was neatly left. I sat looking at my master peace, "I wonder" I murmured thinking long and hard. There was something not quite right about it, I thorght for a few moments. "Eureka" I exclaimed as other part goers wondered by not noticing. I reached up to my mouth and pulled out a ball of chewing gum, then promptly stuck it to the shiny patch on the side of the guys head. Satisfied I stood up and swiftly walked into the crowd.

THE MUSIC WAS LOUD and the laughter EVIN LOUDER but over it all still in the distance I heard a thudding like a vampires head beading smashed against a wall... no more like a female wear wolf. A gust swept through the party and on that wind the smell of fresh blood hit me. "A bar fight" I smirked and hurried in the direction the smell had come. Reaching a clearing in the middle of the forest of party animals I saw to my horror it was a male ware wolf, and he was beating himself up. 'Maybe it’s a new fad' I thought. Disappointed with the lack of violence I rescind myself to make some. I charged at the wear wolf, sprinting as fast as I can. Then I slipped, on an abandoned banana skin. It was like something out of a spoof, I went flying through the air arms out stretched I was still heading towards the loony shemale wear wolf. Up close I noticed a shadow of a hand gripping its head, I looked behind me, and still soaring towards it there was no one. Though more importantly my armpit collided with is head I quickly liquefied on contact as I smashed his head even harder into the wall, and covering everything in water.
Morphing two eyes out of the huge puddle I saw two figures looming over me. I felt like a bowl of petunias, "oh god not again"

The End

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