Note To Reader (A.K.A Puny Annoying Human)
If you happen to be in love with the Supernatural Genre and you are easily offended I suggest you stop reading. NOW. Also, if you are one of the little ones on this site, browsing through stories then yes, you too must stop reading. Above this note it says MATURE. So in other words, be gone little children! And if you come back again I will suck your blood. Mwhahahaha!
I sat on the worn ancient sofa, my eyes fixed on the crappy television set that I owned. The movie, Twilight, was flickering on and off the screen so I kept missing parts. Although, from the bits I did see, it was pretty shit if I’m honest. I know that it’s more of a chick flick, but it’s not even realistic! That Cullen dude – what’s his name again? – was not at all believable. If he was, he’d be in that bitch’s pant faster than you can say, “gang bang in the graveyard!” I know I would.
Sighing, I switched off the television and dragged myself upstairs to my bedroom. It was always the vampires and werewolves that got the girls! I thought, bitterly. Never the zombies! Hell, even the ghosts get more action than we do, and they can only properly do it with other ghosts. Why? Well if you tried to, they’d just slide right through you.
I plunked myself down on my bed, the dust from my covers floating upwards and making me splutter. After I nearly coughed my guts up, (believe me it’s not a nice experience when you do so because you have to stuff them back down your throat) I reached over to my bedside table and snatched up Hot Brains. Then I unzipped my fly and with a little bit of dirt for lubricant, I was ready to go.
“Zack,” my sister called up the stairs. I ignored her. “Zack, your friend is at the d-” she stopped talking abruptly and screamed.
“Jesus Zoe,” I exclaimed. She had flung the door open and was standing in the middle of my room. “Don’t you ever knock?” I zipped my fly shut and rose from the bed. My sister’s face was frozen with shock and horror.
“I will from now on,” was all that she was able to say.
I tucked my magazine under my pillow and sprinted towards the door, trying to mask my embarrassment from the undead world.