“Sorry’s not gonna do any good, is it? Get him out of my garden before I call the cops.”
Shit. Nope, 3 The Street was certainly very much inhabited. And now I was stood in the garden, a great big hole in front of me, a body slung over my shoulder, and an angry kid with a phone in his hand watching me furiously.
“You’ve got til I count to five,” he warned. I tried to think of a clever solution - I'm normally good at problem solving. Unfortunately, nothing came to me.
"Yeah, yeah I'm going! Don't you-" I tried to say before I was cut off again.
"Two!" The kid didn't seem too happy. Understandable, really. "Three..."
I kept moving, heaving the body over the fence and back into my own garden. I was never going to get rid of the fucker now...
"I'm sorry, and I know sorry doesn't do much in a situation like this, but I am."
The kid put his phone away, apparently fine with the hole I'd dug in his garden, but not happy that I was still here.
"I'm a hitman, you see," I tried to explain, using information I usually didn't divulge to anybody other than those who wouldn't tell anybody - normally because they wouldn't be alive for many seconds more. And I didn't even expressly tell them, they just guessed. "I was taking care of the guy next door. Oh, God, you didn't know him did you?"
Trying to make conversation was not working. This lad was still pissed. No matter.
"Okay, I'm going to go," I said gently, preparing to hop over the fence again. I suddenly had a thought, and took a few steps forward, my hand extended. "I'm Melothil, Mel for short," I said cheerily.
"Are you being serious?!" He yelled. This was not a good first impression to my new neighbour. No doubt the whole street would hear about this.
"Yep, okay..." I trailed off and turned around, jumping over the fence and wincing awkwardly. What an idiot I'd been. What was this street doing to me? I was a professional.
As I mulled over my current predicament, I sat against my back fence, eying the body up carefully as it slowly putrified.
Things were not at their best.