How? How could I have gone to her bedroom and kissed her? When I knew the pain it would cause her, when I knew how dangerous it was?
It must be that I didn't really love her. How could anything I feel for her be little more than pure, loveless desire when I was so willing to hurt the both of us to get what I wanted? I was a selfish fool.
But, Horatio, a part of my mind said. You can't feel loveless desire. You're a Guardian Spirit. A pure innocent being.
I laughed without humour at the last sentence. I severely doubted I was pure and innocent. And as for the first point. Well, maybe that was true. But I was just frustrated at how I couldn't control my emotions. They roared within me: a fire of feelings. Love amidst the concern I would hurt Alyssa, frustration at not being with her amidst frustration at my lack of self-control and responsibility, longing for her kiss amidst the sadness of what that kiss would do to her and anger at the world for being this way amidst despair that our love came at a cost. The tongues of flame entwined and confused me, making me more vulnerable and more prone to making a costly error. I had to stay on top of this but it was too difficult. All I wanted was to lose myself completely in Alyssa. Her love may not have been the solution to this problem but it was the solution to the internal conflict. And like I said before, I was a selfish fool.
Oh, if only I were a normal human being.
But it couldn't happen. I was destined to live my days as a Guardian Spirit. The closest I could come to having a human soul was possessing Alyssa's. Our essences would merge into each other if we made the last vow to be forever each other's but even then, the part of me within us would be Guardian Spirit.
Oh zite, I wanted her again.
I found myself, without conscious permission, pulling a notepad out of my pocket. The paper was sky blue but images and words passed across it. The images and words were Alyssa's thoughts.
This was so unbelievably wrong. The telepathic paper was only supposed to be used in an emergency.
I saw my name flit across the sheet and immediately decided I was going to ignore the rules.
I pulled out a deep blue fountain pen and wrote 'Meet me in the forest'.
I put the pen and paper back into my pockets and sprinted out of the mansion. I pelted, ignoring all stares, to the wood closest to Alyssa's home...