I glance around me as I abandon my car, only a duffle bag with me as I walk silently onto the ship. I glance at the harbor, knowing I'll miss Boston, the harbor, the history, my life. But I can't stay. It's four o'clock in the morning, I haven't slept in days, but I have no desire to stay. I creep onto the liner, hoping I'll get lost in the crowd, but it's almost empty. All the better.
I search for the cabins, finally stumbling into the secluded recesses of the bottom cabins. which rooms are empty? Holding my breath, I daringly open the room at the end of the hall. Releasing my breath I enter the room. I settle down, unpacking, but I still don't feel at ease. That's what I've been reduced to. I feel like prey, always on the run. But I'm safe now, right? This boat, the Ship to Nowhere, it's my safe haven. I can't fail here. I can't disappoint. Just me. No one else.
I don't believe that.
The ever-present tears that pour from my eyes when I'm alone appear. I hug my knees to myself, feeling just how thin I've become. A reminder of all that I've lost. The tears continue, mixing in with my dark brown waves, covering my arms. No one knows. No one knows about the nightly tears, the drugs, the lies. How could I fall so far?
Things would change. This ship would change me. I'm through with that life, that pitiful existence. My blue eyes look up, crying ceased, to search for the little orange bottle. Reaching, swallowing, sighing. This is it. The last time. Things are going to change. Everything is going to change.