I licked my fingers, trying to get rid of as much bean juice as possible with just my tongue, then sat back in my seat with a heavy sigh.
"That potato was disgusting." I laughed, noticing that Alex had barely touched his steak.
He smiled back at me. "Guess it was cheap for a reason, eh?"
"Cheapskate." I chuckled, grinning at him.
"Hardly." He said defensively. "This was just the first place I saw." Great choice there, Alex. I was starting to get indigestion.
I smiled at him reassuringly. "I know. I don't blame you."
Alex shifted in his seat uncomfortably, pulling at his shirt. "It's still kinda hot in here. Or is that just me...?" Well...
I shrugged nonchalantly, tracing the lines on the wooden table with my finger. "I reckon you're hot all the time." I looked up at him, then, grinning cheekily, and attempted a wink. Facial spasms are so sexy.
Alex laughed, and I looked back down at my hands. My finger was leaving a clear trail in the grime coating the surface of the table. Nice. My eyes fell on the steak knife by Alex's plate, and I walked my hand over to it, picking it up to twirl between my fingers absent-mindedly.
I became aware of his eyes on my face, and I looked up to see Alex watching me. The slight tightening of his eyes told me he wasn't too happy.
"What?" I asked him.
"You and knives tends to be a bad mix, that's all."
"Oh." I laid the knife carefully between us on the table. "Sorry..."
Alex shrugged. "It's okay."
"I wouldn't..." I wanted to reassure him, but the words were coming out in a rush and didn't sound right in my head, let alone out loud. "I would never..." I paused a second time, attempting again to un-jumble the sentence. "I'd try really hard not to, y'know... do that again.""I know." He smiled that heart-melting smile. "I trust you, I just... wanna make sure I guess."
"Thing is... I dunno if you should trust me." I looked down at the table once more, blushing.
"Well what should I do then?"
"I don't know..." I looked up into his blue eyes, tinted slightly red around the edges. "but I wanted to then. Really badly. You don't even know." My voice cracked as I spoke, admitting my weakness.
"Just as well I'll do my best to keep an eye on you then, eh?" I smiled weakly at him and muttered 'sorry', wiping away the tears that were brimming in my eyes on my arm.
Alex moved around the table to hug me. "What're you saying sorry for?"
I sighed as he wrapped his arms around me. "Because I'm stupid and I know it and I don't even try that hard to stop, and you have to put up with it and it's not fair!" My voice rose towards the end, getting closer to a shout. Lucky this crappy place was almost empty.
He kissed the top of my head gently, and I sank into his chest like a hot bath after a hard day. "Just as well I love you then." I could hear the small smile in his voice.
"Why, though?" I asked him suddenly, twisting to look at his face.
Confusing question, apparently. He frowned slightly. "What d'ya mean, 'why'?"
"Why do you love me? I don't get it." There can't be any reason good enough to even moderately like me, never mind love me, for God's sake.
"Well why do you love me?"
"Because..." I stopped trying to think of stuff, even though I'd already managed to get a long list in my head, just after those few seconds. "Didn't I already tell you this?"
"Does it matter? The point is more... I dunno. More like if you can somehow love me, I can love you. There's probably a better way of putting it than that." Maybe. It worked just fine as an explanation for me, though.
I smiled at him again. There was that squashy feeling in my chest again; like my heart was too full of love for my body to hold. "C'mon, we should go now." I glanced over to the counter. "Moody waitress is coming over again."
Alex pulled some money out of his wallet, dropped it on the table, and took my hand. It's weird how suddenly a mood can change; I'm pretty sure I'll never be able to get that grin off my face.