I wonder if Gabby remembers when we first met on the bus and I'd ended up spilling pretty much my life story. Including the little detail where I used to harm.
When my parents and sister were murdered by the vampire, I was knocked out of happy teenage land, and into depressed "I-need-hospitalising" teenage land. Maxxie was there for me, though it was very, very hard to get me to drop the razor. Looking back, it was a stupid habit, and it was so hard to break. It gets addictive, y'see. Anyways, I know why Gabby is so obsessed with her little blade, and I know exactly how hard it'll be to get rid of it.
Which is why I excuse myself, get up and go to the bathroom, kicking her blade into the bathroom as I pass where it landed. I close the door and pick it up, looking at it for a moment. The light glints off it and I can't decide if how it makes me feel is a fleeting temptation or disgust at myself for even thinking about it. It's in the past. Just forget it.
I wrap the little bit of metal up in some toilet paper and flush it.
She's gonna kill me when she finds out.
I go back in and smile at her, as she sits back down. I'll bet anything she was looking for her razor.
"You okay?" I ask, noticing how she looks a little awkward.
"Mhm," she nods and smiles back and I sit in the middle of the bed, cross-legged, facing her.
"Y'know, if you really want it back, I think it went under the bed." I mutter, watching her reaction carefully. I'm trying desperately to remember how Maxxie managed to get me to stop... She blushes and mumbles a "thanks" before speeding around to where it landed to look for it. After a moment of peering under the bed, she swears loudly and tells me she can't find it.
Lying belly-down on the bed, I watch her looking almost frantically for the blade, but don't say anything.
"Where is it?!" she mutters, checking all along the skirting board and under the door of the bathroom. She looks up at me when I don't say anything, her eyes flashing, "You know, don't you?" I shrug lightly.
"I said I thought it went under the bed," I say calmly, "never said I know where it went." You think I'm gonna tell her I flushed it when she's like this? Pfft. She sits back and crosses her legs, putting her head in her hands.
"What am I doing?" she murmurs quietly to herself. I push myself up and move around the bed so I'm sitting next to her on the floor. Putting my arms around her, I kiss her on the cheek and say nothing. But then she starts crying and I suddenly realise it's been way too long since I've been around people that are still capable of feeling anything other than anger and bitterness.
"It's okay," I say softly, not letting go of her. Still can't remember how Maxxie persuaded me to stop. I'm beginning to think it was when I resolved to become a vampire hunter, actually. In which case, I can't really apply that method to Gabby.
She wraps her arms around me, returning the hug. I let her cry it out on my shoulder, quietly rubbing her back soothingly. I never know what to say in situations like these, and I've found it's better to just shut up and say nothing, because you will invariably make it worse. Eventually, she sniffs and pulls away a little to wipe her tears off on her arm.
"I-I'm sorry," she mumbles and I half smile.
"It's okay. It's probably better to just lose the blade like this instead of telling yourself you'll throw it away tomorrow for the next however long," I say, still talking quietly.
"I know..." she wipes a straying tear away, smearing it across her cheek. I cup her face with one hand and push the next one to fall back. I look into her glistening eyes, somehow managing to enjoy the swirl of greens and browns even though her eyes have gone kinda puffy from crying. I duck my head down and kiss her again, before pulling her up onto the bed. The floor isn't exactly comfy, after all.
I stretch out and relax into the bed, lying on my side to give Gabby room to curl up against me. Putting my arm back over her, I lie there quietly until she's calmed down.