As much as I'd like to

So I keep hugging Gabby. Meggie and the older guy with her seem to have gotten over their age gap, but I still find it kinda weird. I can't quite bring myself to just start making out with Gabby yet.

As much as I'd like to.

For the first time since Angelina died, I've not felt like stabbing something at the mention of her, or anything stupid. In fact I've hardly thought about her at all the last few months. Which makes me feel weird, but at the same time it's okay. Because I know that I should have moved on a while. It's just hard when everything in your life gets destroyed. In the end you stop taking it and decide to do something about it. Except I never really got that far. The guy I'm after is always a few steps ahead of me.

We sit like that for quite a while, just hugging and ignoring Meggie and the older guy getting on way better than me and Gabby are. I mean, me and Gabby aren't arguing like we used to, but we're - I'm not - ignoring the age gap the way they are.

"Gabby?" I find myself asking.

"Hmm?" I hadn't really planned what I was going to say, and what I had been about to see slipped away.

"Nothing." I mutter.

"Tell me what you were going to say," she looks at me and I shrug. "Please?" she tacks on.

"I don't really know what I was gonna say," I tell her. At least it's the truth, but I doubt she'll accept that.

"Right. Whatever..."she mumbles. See, told you so. I sigh and fall silent again, wondering how to phrase it. I want to ask her what she wants from me, but that makes it sound like she's been beating me up in an alley looking for something, which she hasn't. And I've already asks what she likes about me. After two years of being alone, it's made me think a bit. Stroked my ego, too. But yeah, got me thinking about whether the last two years have turned me into something I shouldn't be. Other than a vampire, obviously. I mean like has my personality changed?

Is it such a bad thing if it has?

I dunno.

Pushing these thoughts away, I wonder what to say to Gabby.

"What do you want?" I ask eventually. It's not much better than ‘what do you want from me?' but it's something. "I mean like, in life? We can't sit on a bus forever doing nothing, but what is it you want to do after you get off?"

"I didn't think about doing anything after I got off. When I got on, I sort if planned on getting off at the end of the line and just going with the flow." She replies.

"And now?" I don't know why I'm even asking. I mean, what do I expect her to say?

"And now... Pretty much the same," I can't help but be a little disappointed. I don't even know why, I mean what else was she gonna say? I guess Gabby's just been the only one that's finally managed to make me feel even half way normal in a long time. That's quite a feat for someone that forced me into changing her into a half vampire.

I think about maybe saying something else, but in the end I don't bother. She wouldn't want to come with me after this journey, despite what she says. So I just keep hugging her in silence.

The End

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